Lilly limped her way home throwing her crutch damn near through the window... she was so confused and frustrated with the most recent events of her life. She'd grab her journal, calling out for Jag to make sure he wasn't here... walking into the living room she sat and with a long sigh she'd start scribbling...

Where do I begin... I dropped Serg, things were getting way to serious and that just isn't my gig. I thought I might "love" him... I guess maybe I did but I wasn't in love with him. I thought I wanted to move in with him, but when it happened I flipped out, it wasn't for me living with a guy... I couldn't provide him what he wanted either... a family, I don't know if I wan marriage or kids, not now at least. It took a toll letting him go, little worry that he might throw me out of his life and carve me up like a Halloween decoration... he didn't he has tried to get back into my life and while I'm not making it easy on him by still caring and being around him... I have moved on, and there will never be Serg n Lilly again, ever. I was more worried about Raven and how she would treat me... fuck we hated one another in the beginning, but through ups and downs, (more downs for fucking sure) we grew close and now she truly is like my little sister... I adore her. The break up may have brought us closer as well as certain other events that occurred recently... I'll get into that another time.

I met someone new... well not really, truth is we have known one another since we were small children... Jag Salieri the cute little Italian boy a few years younger than me, he is no little boy anymore, that is for sure! I guess he moved back a few months ago, I can't say I'm NOT into him, it'd be the lie of the fucking century! He knows a little about my past, which is more than most know, so he treats me like I'm crystal, fragile and valuable... it is an amazing feeling! I'm not sure if I can get into another relationship, and I don't wan to drag him around with me... truth is I am more worried about just disappointing him with my habits of causing trouble, the drugs the flirting, it is all me and I won't give that up... I don't know if I can keep him out of my life though. I guess we will see how it goes... Lord help me that I don't fuck this up... like most things!

So many emotions, I don't have time to get into the most recent days and the drama that occurred, it will come out sooner or later though...

Lilly