10/23/2012:

I told myself that I wanted to write, you never know when my last day in this world is going to come to an end. I wanted to write something that will be left behind, for as the body may be temporary words and information they forever. Figured if I don't make it, to see my child's face, or I never get to tell those around what I think, maybe they can look back on this and smile.

Whats there to say really, high school drop out, turned banger your typical story, not something I would wish on everyone. Its crazy to think back on the way things worked out, I was an angry rough youth thinking more with my fists than with my head. I see more and more everyday how wrong that was to carry my self with a chip like that on my shoulder. Yet.. I still find that anger creeping up, quick to anger, slow to cool, I've hurt people close to me, hurt those who were innocent, and those that tried to help me. Though I have come to terms that I am the bad guy, no anti Hero, no good just bad.. and even if there was a god and I tried to repent not a million Hail Marrys could make up for what I done. I can spend my entire life blaming my brother telling my self he forced me to do the shit I did, rape, murder, killing some were deep down I did it because I enjoyed it, not because I was forced to to exert some sort of control like that on a person there life one squeeze away from ending.

Then again I look at it now and I'm like shit.. Why, I guess it was that young girl Reggie. Her face haunts me to this day, my brother made me off her with no remorse told me I had to do it or he would. She begged me not to do it, others not to let me. No one said anything, I figured better me doing it than Hex right? Better I off her and make it quick and painless, but it was more painful. I yanked that trigger, and I stood there as she slumped to the ground lifeless glaring back at me, and my brother just patted me on the shoulder. Good job Regi.. Good job I fucking killed a innocent girl and its good job, We raped and beat her and its good fucking job, We made money off that suffering and its good fucking job. Fucked up right?

Moral of the story, don't sugar coat shit live your life by a few rules,

1. Do what YOU want to do
2. Don't do something to get some ones approval, they want to hate on you, let them hate on you.
3. Do whats going to let you sleep at night, whats going to let you look your self in the mirror.
4. Never turn your back on those you love.
5. and Revenge is never worth the price that's paid.

I'll write more as I think about it. Regi out.