Steps quietly through the big house, prerequisite blunt in hand. Its quiet, all the kids that are home asleep, as she pushes open the door to the office. Plopping herself in the chair, she carelessly grabs the laptop, and starts to type:
"Life is sooo different now than before. So many things have happened. Fiona, my babygirl, is staying with my bitch sister. She was being FAR too nosy in the shed, and found some shit she didn't need to see. Threatening to call CPS, she took Fi. Why she didn't try to take Damo is beyond me, or why the state of LA let us adopt another kid. Now, I'm forced to have "visits" with MY kid, who cries as my sister drives away. She's MY daughter, not hers. And, its not like I let my kids see the fucked up part of my life. I may be many things, some of them fucked up, but I love my kids. Hell, I can remember when I was pregnant.. I didn't even WANT them. Now, everyday without my daughter is an incomplete one. Shit, what am I supposed to do? Depend on welfare? Work some part time punk ass job that doesn't pay the bills? Those gray eyes kids, created in rape, ARE MINE. We do alright, and my sister needs to find her own rapist, or husband, or whatever it is uppity nosy bitches need to mind their own. I'm in a stable relationship, I guess. His name is Shawn, and GET THIS... he's a COP, lol.. He's REAL good to me, and to Fiona and Damean, and our daughter Kylie. She's new to the fam, and a real sweet kid. I heard that you know your adopted kids are yours when they irk you as much as a natural child would. She's so sweet, I don't know if we'll ever get to that point... Anyway, its a different relationship than with Zim, and I guess that's a good thing. He didn't want shit to do with the kids anyway, you know? For that reason, I had to let him go. Those kids didn't ask to be made, but they are mine, and I love em more than I could ever love any man. I DO find myself missin him, though.. The volatility, the excitement, the challenge. What I DONT miss is the unfaithfulness, the lack of care, the selfishness, and the bull headed refusal to love the only two reasons I have to live. I do LOTS of dumb shit, but I will never, ever be one of those mindless bitches who chooses a man over her kids. I snuck and saw him a few times, and he comes and goes, literally, with no feeling for me at all. I guess I saw him because.. I love him still, and some part of me must want his ass back. For what, though? Shawn is a sexy motherfucker, and a good man. Although, you couldn't tell by how many "bitches" came out his mouth when I got arrested the other day. I was PISSED, and he was too, and I guess I thought he would stop Jaebus from taking me to jail. Fucking cops, lol.. they all stick together. Got a new business venture to handle, too.. and that could mean more money and less trouble, or more money and more trouble. We'll see. I want to do good, so that Cym is happy, and so that all of our pockets get fat. Its right up my alley, too. Madame Trixie, bitches!! Shit, gotta run. I hear Damo fussing. I bitch about it, but I love it. Soon, my little ones will be too big to hold, and too independent to need their no good Momma in the night. Better love it while I can, right?
She hits the blunt rapidly, several times, stubbing it out in the ashtray before she rises, stretching her tall frame. A grin on her face, she closes the laptop before skipping up the stairs to get her son. Scooping up his baby warmth, she shushes him while quietly peeking in on Kylie, who is wildly spread all over her bed. Baby boy is laid down and quieted, before she relights the blunt, and sits in the dark living room, thinking...