Diary (Xena Rodriguez)

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XenaXerxes Resident

said

Not going to date all these entries unless something really important happens any given day.

 

I'm not even certain whether this is a diary anyways, it is more of a mash of thoughts.

Should supposedly get a therapist, but haven't really had a therapy session yet, with this girl called Macen, met her once under very odd circumstances, but we've yet to have a session. To be fair, I don't even understand why I'd need a therapist, I'm just fine.

But yes, looked it up online and writing things down on pen and paper should help me some, not sure how effective it will be.

So, I know I'm pregnant and I'm not sure do I want to keep it. There are three possible guys and neither of them seem to be too smart of a choice. Then again, this was all on me, I messed up with birth control after what had happened. So for a full month I've not been on it, then got back on it, then forgot to take it. Really messed up with this one.

I'll figure it out eventually, I know it can't take too long in case I do get an abortion.

Not sure I even want to be in a relationship with anyone, felt like that for a good while now, everyone seems to be a mess. That's not to say I don't have my own messes to deal with, sure do. Somehow though, it feels pointless. Lived here long enough to figure out that anything past physical purely is a bad idea, it always ends tits up somehow. At this rate, I feel as if even physical isn't a good idea.

But now that I have my puppy Dottie, I feel less lonely. She's a lab and is absolutely adorable, already so emotionally attached to her. It helped after my cat crossed the rainbow bridge, but he lived long enough and hopefully had a great life.

As for loneliness, it isn't even about being physical in a sexual sense, it's more of a companionship type of a thing. Friends are great to have, but you can't cuddle your friends, can you? That'd be just odd. I'd feel super content just laying on the sofa, watching Netflix next to someone in complete silence. The longer I live here, the less I feel the need to talk. Weird.

Anyways, I should probably stop writing before someone stops by the desk and sees it.

 

March 9, 2023 at 5:46 pm
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