I am not a figment of imagination.

I need this introduction cos' I don't know who I am anymore.

Hi. My name is Zaria Rae Macbeth, but I dropped the 'i' in it when I was ten. So now I am Zara. I had a father, Christopher Tristram Macbeth, a mother, Danika Milena and a younger brother Andre Nathaniel Macbeth. They have long pretentious sounding names. My brother is a bloody idiot and has a big mouth. That's why I don't have parents anymore. I am Scottish-English-Slavic, whatever that means. My Baba (grandma) doesn't like me. I think I was too stupid for all of them. I lived in France until I was four. Then we moved to America. That's when everything got messy. I don't like drunk people or belts or beetles. My dad is strong and my mother looks like the winter queen. Washing machines are small and metallic. I like soda, especially the kinds in glass bottles, but bottle caps hurt your knees. My brother managed to get my parents sent away, he was seven and I was eight. Baba snatched us up. She lived in Jersey. I refused to talk to anyone, I walked around at night, I got into some fights. Baba couldn't deal with me and sent me to boarding school in London. I was nine. I lasted there for a year and a half. I liked tennis and running and hip hop. I made the school team for tennis and track and we won championships. My Baba never visited. My friends parents visited them so I spent holidays on campus, sitting by the window. I never got any phone calls or post or anything. I had good friends there. But it wasn't good enough. Nothing was. I like taking midnight walks. I managed to get myself expelled in January, right before my eleventh birthday. That birthday was my last day with people who were considered family, then they cut all ties. I got a suitcase for a present and then they said goodbye. I have been to many states in America. I don't like strangers, especially adults who think they know you. My twelfth and thirteenth were spent with strangers who claimed they were my family, but they lied. Hello foster care. Except for Oka and Otou. I lasted the longest with them, almost a year. They were going to adopt me. I hate sports cars. A pink one killed them. They were going to be my parents, and I wouldn't have to worry about them throwing me out like the rest of them. They were different. They were the first to tell me I was smart. But their gone, and still with me at the same time. I made the promise to change, to be nicer, more sensitive. Cos' I know they're still there and they're still watching me. I'm going to make them proud. It was harder than I thought. I slashed and wrecked a car because it was there and it was a sports car. Fake brother two called me a dumb blonde and I locked him in the closet. Their parents got mad. I think I did some other stuff too. They couldn't handle it. No one knew what to do with me anymore. So they sent me to Hathian. First person I met said it's the city of Broken Dreams. But I think she was wrong. I speak English and French. But I can cuss in other languages. I think I got into trouble because of that too. I have blonde hair and blue eyes. I consistently fail American History and therefore I am unintelligent. I don't like smiling sometimes and therefore I am lazy. I have some quirks and therefore I am strange, weird and difficult. I don't watch tv, but I listen to music. One of my favourite songs is Nowhere Kids by Smile Empty Soul. I like folding origami. Sometimes I want to be a sheet of paper and just fold myself into something else. I often wonder if you can fold and fold and fold and fold and make the paper so small until it disappears. Play says every kid is worth it. Oka and Otou left stuff for me, but I don't know what happened to it. I think it was college fund. If I even make it there. Now I'm staying with Leilei and her family. It's amazing what kids here have been through. It's insane and so different. I'm thirteen. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I do know what I don't want to be. I'm not a huge fan of mirrors or reflecting. I think suicide is lame and selfish because you leave loads of people behind who cry and are sad. But I guess if you don't have anyone left it's okay. I'm still trying to figure that out. I haven't gotten into messes yet. Except for the protest outside for some person whom I don't even know. But nothing really happened. I got into trouble when I was twelve for cutting myself. But it's my body. They didn't really care. I threw away my painkillers last month. I'm going to be happy here. Painkillers are pinkish. I think Pink is an evil color. A girl with pink hair gave me a concussion a week into my stay here. It's all good now, but I have a scar on my forehead. Just like Harry Potter. I don't believe in magic, or pixie dust. Or flying.

That introduction turned into my life in bits and pieces. I've too many thoughts jumbled in my head I guess. I should stop, but I never wrote when I first came, although I generally start a new book every time I go to a new place, but I obviously forgot this time, so here it is. And talking to Paige and everything that's been happening just brought all this out again. Not like I've tried hard to forget or remember. It's just there.

I'm sure I've left out loads of important stuff. I don't know. Not like I know anything right?

Note to self:
The forest and stables have spiders. Stay away.
Don't ever tell someone grieving to get over it, stop crying or that the deceased is in a better place.
Never say I know how you feel. Ever.
Today is Paige's birthday.
Leilei is the ladybug monkey bella princess or something.
Gangs are bad.
Stop failing American History.
Don't screw up here.

There's a funeral later. Funeral's are sad.