-Walking up to the docks where she and Ellis used to sit and talk before he ended up having to go to jail, standing there barefoot as if she could see the two of them talking at the end of the wooden planks like ghostly figures paling around. It hurt Iokko, what did she have anymore? The heated air reminded her of being back home, the south seemed to have it's slight comforts even in her darkest hour. Taking a deep breath Io would sit down letting her feet dangle, pulling a bound leather journal closer that had some faded inked words written all over it in some style. Fingertips grazing across the front cover while she just stared at it for several moments. Hesitating before she would open it up and sigh picking up the pen she'd start to scribble down the following...-

How can I go on living two lives, and I am not talking about 'Amber'. But my true name, my given name at birth; Sarah. How can one live with a name, being told that was your name and a life you lived. Having it shoved down your throat day after day only to find out your not that person. It was a lie, a lie to make you different and conformed to what 'they' wanted you to be. I'm angry, hurt, scared, tired, and just a whole lot of other things that have just made me numb. -Looking over she'd blink as tears started to well in her eyes, turning back to the pages few would then drop down onto the ink making it smear down the page.- I want something more, and with finding out who I am it makes me feel complete. I'm something to someone, or so I hope that I am. I have a brother who doesn't push me into my room and lock me in because his friends are coming over and he's embarrassed because of me. Or parents who 'acted' like they cared and never truly did, what would be the path to chose. One of where I am a sister to someone who says he loves me, hugs me and kisses me on the cheek which I'm not used to. It made me think of Kyle's and my last fight, where he told me that I'd never amount to him because he was mom and dad's favorite and I was nothing. And an aunt to a little girl, who reminds me so much of myself when I was separated from James. I'm scared that I won't be what they want me to be and hate me, and or not want me to be in their lives.

I started to think maybe I should work at TT as 'Amber' again for some more money, the pie hole could use with an upgraded security system these days and with one camera I don't think its working. But then I think if I do that, and not tell my brother and then have him come in and me dancing around naked on the stage would not be something I'd want to experience. Maybe I'm over thinking some things? What if I am? What if, things will be just fine and I'm thinking of the worst? -She would then shift her weight using the butt end of the pen to nibble at while she would look up at the sun that was slowly setting, the ocean eating it whole without any issues.-

What do I do, I know it's silly of me to ask pages to give me an answer but I have no one else to give me an answer. Ellis in jail, I don't want to see him again and not like I could open up to my brother with this. Val doesn't talk to me much anymore but the occasional text here and there. What if I'm the problem? Maybe I'm not likeable or something, maybe I'm just...

-Looking back up she'd sigh and close the book with a slam leaving the pen in its captive pages, tying up a small bow that was on the side of the book she'd hold it tight so it didn't slip into the water. Her body started to get tired and she'd pull back on the docks and would lay at the end of the docks with her book under her head for comfort. Eyes fluttering shut as she layed there almost lifeless as she was falling asleep.