*Introduction: This is an IC Journal Vladislav Ogrimund occasionally writes into. He keeps it well hidden and very rarely on his person. So it is quite difficult to get a hold of it ICly, although if you wish (for some twisted reason :p) your character to have access to it, you can IM me with the reasons why and I might consider an RP involving accidental change of hands.*

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((The writing below is found on the first page of the small book, scrawled in sloppy handwriting in a blue pen.))

Here I am, locked up "safely" in the attic at Auster Place, watching her sleep, standing vigil. Two of my trusted katanas lay sheathed in the wardrobe nearby under lock and key, away from her sight although she knows I have them, sharpened and ready to shed blood even in this place - a supposedly safe sanctuary - if the need arises, that is, if he comes back.

I'm guarding her, protecting her with my life should it be required of me. And yet it wasn't too long ago she was tied up in a meat factory - by my hands, not his. MY hands. There's innocent blood all over them - a blood of memories which only I see, thankfully. I still remember the event clearly, just as if it had happened yesterday.

I still remember the feelings and thoughts crossing my mind at the sight of her almost completely naked body, drenched in the cold water I splashed on her. They were feelings of Righteousness, Lust and Control. So different from when I found her, chained up in a shivering naked ball on the cold floor sticky with her blood. Nothing felt Righteous about that scene, and I never felt so helpless, so out of Control. The Lust was still there, but it was for his Blood, not for her.

And yet I can't help thinking that she had been in a similar situation because of me, I once was her attacker. Granted, she didn't come out as badly hurt from that as by him. But still, there she is right now, sleeping restlessly, trashing about like she was having nightmares. And her nightmares are not about me, but about him. She feels safe with me.

Why? Why do I deserve her Trust? Her Love?

I don't. And that's why I have to Earn it. I will make amends for all the wrong I did her. I will keep her safe and cared for. I must. For starters, I have to get her out of the house and back to her day to day routines - she has to move on and get over the treatment she received from him.

I promised her I wouldn't seek revenge if he didn't touch her again. She made me. But every time I look at her wounds and bruises I feel rage and hatred well up in me.

I wish we were still in Hawaii. It was peaceful there, away from everyone and everything we knew. Just like starting a fresh page.

She seems like she's waking up.

I don't want her to see me talking to a fucking book.

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