(this is the first entry to tell who I am, after this, it will be random entries about my days)

Name: Patricia "Trishia" Irelund
Age: 21
African American
Orientation: Men
Status: Single

Trishia liked to lay in bed and think of years ago. Had it really been that long ago? Running through the yard of lush green grass, her father catching her and throwing her into the air, hearing her own voice giggling over the "I gotcha!" her dad would say every time. Her mom calling them for dinner, every night, 7pm, so they could talk about their days. She grew up happy, financially sound, and secure. Secure. That was the word most days she figured she would never feel again. Her dad spoiled his only child, his "lil princess" with any and everything she desired. It was never a problem, but as she got older, she could see that her mom was always telling him to stop. "You are going to spoil that girl" she said with a drink in her hand, always a drink in her hand. She knew now her mom was jealous of their relationship, the closeness they shared. She would stand and watch them often times, never saying a word but the look in her eyes said everything. Patricia didn't care, she had her daddy, and that was all that mattered.

Not long after her 16th birthday, in which her dad had made her one of the most popular girls around throwing her a party at a local club they closed down for the night to bring in a private DJ and 50 of her friends, her dad was late for dinner. No call, nothing. She called him over and over, but it went straight to voicemail. "Mama, you heard from daddy?" "No, maybe he has a new woman", she replied flippantly. "What do you mean NEW.. what are you talking about? Daddy would never..". But she didn't finish because the knock at the glass front door and the police standing outside of it looking at her nervously, well didn't that just say everything....

Weeks after her dad past away, she found out things she wished she never did about her precious dad. Like how some of the men at the funeral looked shady as hell, not like businessmen she assumed her dad went to see everyday. He had a company in a huge building downtown, his secretary Kate was an educated woman, he did business transactions with some of the biggest names in town, so who were these guys? Her mom simply said one day, drunk assed as usual "Your dad has no money, he left us nothing" A high pitched, scary laugh escaped her lips. "NOTHING - I stayed with this man almost 18 years and in the end he leaves me nothing. Typical". With that she left. She turned to walk back in to slam one more thing at Trishia "Your wonderful dad, was a gambler, so much so he couldn't pay what he owed. Hope you don't think he got shot in the street randomly" That laugh again. "Fuckin idiot" This time she left shaking her head and sipping that damn vodka. As weeks went by and the bank foreclosed on the house, movers came to take the things her parents had not finished paying for, and the estate sale was done, she slowly watched her world fall to the ground. The so called friends she had didn't talk to her, she was poor now, as they like to point out. "What do I have to say to a poor person?" one of them said to her before walking off. Standing there, it was at that moment she realized she was poor, and what do poor people do? She knew one thing they MIGHT do, as she kicked her old friends ass that day. They quickly threw "her kind" out of school.

When there was nothing left, her mother moved them to Hathian. She wanted to run when she first got there, the dingy two bedroom apartment was nothing she understood, had ever known. Her mom quickly enrolled her into the local high school and she went to classes and came home, studied and rarely spoke, completely locking herself away inside. Every night for the first year in bed she asked "daddy, why did you do this to me, didn't I make you happy enough, I was good, I don't understand".

Patricia continued to do well in class, but refused to make new friends, and all her old friends wouldn't have anything to do with her now, not that she was in a hurry to show them her new way of life. She filled her days watching her mom spiral into the streets. It seems her mom found it easy to use her old skills here. Her socialite skills made it easy for her to talk to the neighbors and find out just what she needed to do to get into every government program she could. Those same skills helped her cry on que when she met with the caseworkers. So her mom continued to be a stay at home mom, with checks rolling in. The money didn't afford her the good shit though, so her alcohol had to be downgraded, and her boredom led to her try different drugs, with mommy settling on heroin. So now Patricia became a babysitter, going with her mom on the first of the month to get the checks cashed and after her mom got her first high of the month, steal the money away and hide it so they had money for rent, utilities, and basic shit. After graduating high school, she sat out a few years, mostly staying inside and walking around at night, in the shadows.

Patricia thought she could save her mom, but she couldn't. To suppliment the monthly money, her mom had "friends" that would visit frequently. Trishia just went in her room and locked the door. She had installed an extra two locks on her door at the top because too many nights she woke up to hearing the knob turning back and forth. Too many times. Her mom made it clear that it would be her turn soon to help bring in cash. "Jobs don't pay, all you have to do is be nice to some of my men friends, they all would love to get to know you" her mom said, smiling at her sweetly. Crazy. "Your old enough now to understand we got to stick together, get nice shit again,plus it's the same way I got your daddy, just with several men now. You can't keep them legs closed forever. I don't even know if you know how to use your equipment, you ever let a man in there? A woman, a vibrator, something? Might as well get paid to open em up girl, it's what we do anyway when we got a man right? Right? Honey, you can do this...." She looked in her mother's eyes and realized this woman had no love for her, just her next high. "I'll think about it mama" and got up and went for a walk. How her life had changed.

That night after her mom had passed out, she found the last thing she had her dad gave her, a diamond necklace for her 16th birthday and ran to the pawn shop and got what she could for it. She stashed her money away in the tiny apartment and the next day enrolled in Columtreal University. She didn't want this life and maybe this would make the difference. That night she walked alone after hearing her mom talk, she knew that she was falling too, just not as fast as her mom. She had tatted up so much of her body now, she was having a struggle preserving that person she used to be, and how long could she keep avoiding men because in her mind none would measure up to her daddy? Not that she hadn't tried. She had trusted Malcolm, she had loved him, until the day she told him to fuck off because she was sick of him accusing her of cheating. That day he followed her into the restroom at school and told her that she shouldn't have talked to him that way, she didn't have the right to talk to him that way, and maybe she needed a lesson. When she got in his face and told him one more time to FUCK OFF, he punched her in the face, and with her face pushed against the tile and his breath behind her blowing down her neck, she was pinned as he started pulling up her skirt, tearing off her panties. If it wouldn't have been for the janitor walking in right at that moment ....... Everyday it just seemed she could deal with this life easier it she just let go. She had to make something happen, and she hoped that the university would be a start. Please God, please help me to make it out of here, because it was a matter of time before her mom would start pressing the issue of her becoming "friendly" with the guys coming to the house. And if that happened, she might as well let Hathian swallow her up whole...