This is my little son, Tomas Brandris. He is everything to me - my heart, my soul, the very reason for me to keep living, as he has been for the last five years that he has graced my life.

Please understand that I do not do this lightly, I have no choice.

Ever since the moment I conceived him, I have been plagued and soon afterwards I became ill. I had some tests and I found out that I had HIV. In the greatest of panic, I had him tested and to my great relief he is clear. But this fact was tempered by the knowledge that I might not live to see him grow, to have his first girlfriend or to be there when he marries or has children of his own. So I fought to gain the treatment that I don't have the insurance for. Not for me - my own life ended some time ago - but for him, so that he could have his Mommy long enough to become the man he will be.

I tried, I really did, to keep positive and strong. It hasn't helped. A few months ago, my doctor told me it is now AIDS. Now I am very sick, almost too weak to walk. It breaks my heart to see him crying because I can't play with him anymore. Just earning enough money to buy food for him exhausts me and I have to rest most of the day. I cannot bear to think that he will soon see me take my last breath and then will be utterly alone. I have some distant family, but they are very bad people whom I cannot trust to do any good with him.

I beg you...

Look after him, please. I leave him in this place, it's a haven for children and a Godly place, and I trust that He will look down over Tomas to make sure he is safe until a kind person finds him and takes him to Social Services.

I am sorry, so sorry that it has come to this, but I cannot go on much longer. I am tired, so very tired. I was not strong enough for him. Now my heart is broken, and I pray that I will be taken soon. I cannot live without my little Tomas.

Please tell him when he is old enough about me, and perhaps give him this note to understand my utter desperation and despair that drove me to 'abandon' him. I do it out of love, and out of the hope I no longer have for myself. Everything I want now rests on this little boy, my love will last beyond my existence on this Earth. Until he is old enough, tell him his Mommy has gone to heaven and will look down on him and be with him, even if he cannot see or hear her.

I almost cannot do this, it breaks my heart to leave him like this as he plays on the climbing frame. But I must. The last strength I have I must use for the good of my darling little boy.

~

I love you Tommy, be a good boy and be a strong man, don't let this harsh world defeat you as it did your Daddy and me.