Well, I have moved back home to Tennessee. That's right! Bye bye, Hathian. It's been a few weeks now, and I love it so much. I haven't felt this peaceful in a very, very long time. I've gone into therapy, a suggestion from my mother. My father suggested it as well. The Herriat father, not the Weaver one. I was diagnosed with severe PTSD, and I have PCS as well. Post concussion syndrome is what PCS is. It messes with my temper and my paranoia. As if those weren't bad enough already. But I'm taking pills for that. Therapy is going good. I have admitted to things that I have done in Hathian and swore I'd never talk about, but…the therapist I have has a way of opening me up. And not by the legs. My therapist is a woman and the only other woman I'll swing for is Kirvi. So no. But I have done a lot of crying, and there have been a lot of breakdowns. There have been points where I just wanted to pull my gun out and end it, but…I'm not really allowed to have a weapon right now because of my PTSD. That's probably a good thing too.

My therapist said that me returning to Hathian would not be a wise decision. She said going back to that place could trigger memories that my mind is currently trying to forget, which could, quite literally, cause what sanity I do have to snap. I won't have a problem with not coming back, but there are people I will miss. I'll miss Kirvi, Lena, Hayden, Will, Colton (even though he's an asshole), Ellis (even though we fight a lot), and Jack. Especially Jack. Those five months we spent together, four of which we were dating, will be forever considered some of the happiest times of my life. I loved him and still do. I was so jealous of Caileigh when I found out they were dating. I wanted everything with him. I wanted to get married, have a family. But he said he wouldn't be capable of doing that ever again, so I've accepted that. But as I told him when we broke up, he deserves all the happiness in the world. And like a good friend should, I will stand by him and congratulate him if that special lady ever does come along that can melt that callused heart. My feelings will be put aside.

I should apologize to Will. Although I didn't want to admit it, he was used as a rebound. I led him on, and it is one of the things I regret most in my life. He's such a sweet man, though. He, along with Jack, deserve to be happy.

That's all I have time for today. I feel like I'm about to explode because of this big lump in my throat. Going through therapy has turned me into such a mushy, emotional thing. But I am feeling better. I really am. I know I will never be that same woman I was before I moved to Hathian, but…maybe that's a good thing. Maybe I needed this reality check. Maybe I needed to experience the dark side to truly appreciate the light. All I can do now is move forward.