(All entries are private and written in a notebook)

Introduction

March 14, 2011 10:00 PM

Written sloppily with lots of misspellings and grammatical errors.

I don't know how to do these things but my tutor says they will help me with writing and reading. I struggle with reading because I didn't learn until I was sixteen. I been told I was stuck in the system a long time and they just pushed me through if I learned or not. I am also dyslexic so it makes all the words messed up in my head. But I try real hard not to let that get me down. Mom believes in me and is doing all she can to help which I am thankful for. My tutor also said she aint gonna read it so it's just for me but she will check to see if I done one which is fine with me as long as she don't read it.

I guess I start with some kind of introduction. I am Roland and I am 17 and in High School. I gonna be 18 soon enough and then I will married to Roxy. She's a real nice girl and she loves me even though I'm a big guy. I am losing weight though because I don't like how people laugh at me and I'm still afraid that she will leave me for someone better looking. I tell her she gotta go far like me and go to college but what if she sees some guy that's better looking and decide she don't want me no more? I used to think I do meant forever but I keep seeing people get divorced. Valena and Charli are getting them. I don't want to be another statistic.

Sorry I started to ramble. I plan on going to college to be a famous chef and cook in a restaurant I own. I decided this because I love cooking and food and eating it. Plus I don't want to be like my dad because he's a loser. He got a degree in Psychology and he had a job in his field but he got fired because he did drugs. I don't want to be like that at all. Damnit I can't fucking stay on one topic. I guess I'm not very good at this journal thing.

I ran away from my home in Georgia after I was found in the wrong place at the time. I don't care about the people that raised me anyway because my dad beat me and sometimes mom and to make up for it mom fed me lots of food. It's probably why I have so many food problems. I ran away and changed my name. I don't know if it matters what it is. It doesn't feel like my name no more. I guess I'll have to tell mom about it sometime because I want to change my last name to hers.

I didn't have no place to go when I got here and I just mugged people and did whatever I wanted. I stabbed people just like when I was in Georgia and I was part of the gang. I had sold drugs and mugged people there so I was good at what I did and people didn't make fun of my weight because my boys would shank em before they could count to three. I was always a tough shit and went to juvy a while to prove it. Then I got here and was heading down the same path and I was happy with it. The only part that sucked was that no girl ever looked at me. Not never in my life. Then I came here and I met Roxy. She looked at me and then she even started to like me. Then we started dating and fell in love and now we're going to get married when we're eighteen. She had also introduced me to Charli who was watching her at the time. I got put with her a while but got kicked out and Roxy ran away or got kicked out too I don't remember.

Then we lived in a motel for a while. Me, her and this kid named Logan and we would get high and shit. I stopped mugging people because Roxy didn't like it when I got violent. Then Roxy's dad came back and started barking orders and she got sent away for a while. I didn't get enough money at the job I had gotten at the Gein so I was back on the streets.

That's when Ellis took me in. He seemed like a good guy at first. He put rules down on me and even though I pushed him hard he didn't give up. He was dating someone named Kay and I liked her right off. She isn't much older than me but it don't matter. I think of her as my mom. She might be the one that really made me better. I feel sad thinking about how my dad used to be because he aint that person no more. I don't know what happened to him but he aint the man I met. I wish he was though. Before he went bad he also took in Esme. She's the best sister in the world. She's only 8 but already a great person. I love my sister very much. She was abused by her birth dad and it's very sad.

I also have a brother and sister that were twins that Ellis had with his ex-girlfriend Ada. Dad has other kids too but I never met them. I love miss the siblings I know because our family is all split up because Ellis chose drugs over us and neglected me when I was living with him. Esme was sent off to a relative who ended up sending her back to her birth dad. Eventually she ran away and came back but she don't get to live with me because dad had already abandoned me and I ran away to mom's house and dad can't visit so much.

That's why I don't get to see him much and Esme lives with Ada with the twins and I live with mom and Ellis is with his new wife Kishi that Ellis broke up with mom for. I met her at the reception. She's pregnant with a new kid but I don't know how they're gonna be cuz Ellis is violent and hangs with rejects. Plus he had his phone off during his honeymoon in Hawaii and mom said it's OK that I'm mad at Ellis because he is very selfish and a child.

I'm still tough as shit though especially since I do boxing. I just decided my future is more important than starting fights, knives and gangs. I could write more about everything but I think that's enough of an introduction.