The days continue to grow shorter and the nights grow longer. I still find myself sitting up late at night, wondering where you could have been today, what you could have done, what you could have been. Some parts of me can't wrap my head around that you're dead, gone, not here anymore.There is a part of me that believes that I want to life because you made me want to live for family, for my daughter and showed me I could live for myself too. You patched me together time after time with your unconditional love. One that only siblings can have. You picked up the helpless remains of a girl who never felt like she belonged and gave her a family. You were always so good at that, taking care of the distress of others regardless of the beautiful disaster of a world you lived in. You were always the strongest, most dedicated and giving person I met in my life. I have tried to model myself after your memory but it seems as if it is an impossible task. Perhaps its because I feel so lost. I hope you and Sadie found your paradise, one away from everything that happened here. Selfishly, I wish you could still be here... We all do. The family isn’t the same without you. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m trying. I’m stuck.