Sitting in the hot dark motel room. Allie cries softly. She'd found old memories and saw her ex for coffee and pizza with the boys. She realized how much she missed them. She wonders why she came back to this place. She sighs and does when she need to get her thoughts out. She sniffs and reaches for her New shiny laptop. Turning it on and opening her Openoffice.

“ So , I came home .. okay so maybe not home. There is no home to come back to. I did that to myself. I left, I didn't think I was good enough to hand the wife, mother, nurse and all around do-gooder. It took it's toll. So I left I went back to NY and got into something I shouldn't have. So, I left and came back to LA where I took a job let's just say I travel a lot.“

Shifts on the bed and blowing her nose. Getting up she grabs an ice tea from the side of the bed. Opening the bottle she takes a sip. Going back to the bed she sits down and starts writing again.

“ So as I said I am back. I had the boys for two week this time. A lot more time than normal. It was awesome. I forgot how much I missed them. How much there is nothing like a sons hug and kiss and them tell you they love you. We did the zoo and Howe's caverns and parks and swimming and all kinds of thing they even stayed with my Aunt joyce. For a bit. So I took them back to Austin and we had pizza me and him and the boys. It was nice. I mean I have seen Austin since, but just long enough to get the boys and go or the nanny brought them. I think he was angry at me and avoiding me. Which I don't blame him. I would be mad too.. hell I am .. and it's MY fault. I never said I was smart.”

She huffs slightly and frowns. Okay so this made her look like the bad guy, but she was or at least she felt like it. Back to writing she goes.

“ Okay .. so I also had coffee with him too. That well maybe I shouldn't have. I looked in to his eyes and everything came rushing back fully and I started to really miss him. I still love him of course, but that was the past . Oh and did I say that I did tell him that? I was attacked and in shock and stuff.. and blood loss.. I think well yeah that was dumb, but in my defense I WAS in shock. I have a feeling that I may not hear from him in awhile. Can't blame him there. Maybe I should just go and stop messing up my life and everyone elses. “

Who am I kidding I came back for my boys. They need me, I have been without them far to long. The two weeks I had them remind me of that. Seeing how they treated their father made me sad.. I have a feeling he's been very busy and they have been with a nanny or baby sitter a lot. Maybe I can help with that so at least they have someone well a parent at least. I mean from what I can tell he works all the time anyways.

Okay since I have been back I have seen all kinds of people I knew from when I lived here. My first day I saw Austin of course..then I saw Sun .. how she has grown. It's just wow, I feel old. She has kids now and married but soon not to be? No I have no idea. Lol Oh she's married to James.. remember him? Cute weird doctor dude yeah.. saw him too asked him to hang out, as normal he said no .. no surprise there, but he did say I could call him sometime. I wonder if I have his number still.. I don't think he likes me much. I just wanted to catch up. Oh well can't please everyone. Hard to believe I use to have the biggest crush on him when he worked at HGH. Then meet Austin and you know the rest. Never did break through that well whatever stick was up his butt.

Oh then Buffy !!!! OMG Buffy Well she's the same, mostly but works as a doll.. who would have thought that ?!?!? not me, oh well. I mean I thought she was dead, but she wasn't and I have saved her butt more times than I could count. Man I have missed that girl so much I should have kept in touch.

Let's see who else.. Oh yeah I had coffee with Cale , who is still stuck up as he always was. He's REALLY skinny and looks almost sickly.I guess he works at HGH at the desk or something now. then ran in to Ellis. Who hasn't changed much.. maybe a bit heavier but that is about it. He was always a big teddy bear. Anywho those two have NOT changed to much. Oh and of course they are fighting like always. Kinda sad if you ask me, but at least that is one thing that didn't change. That is a comfort. having one those fell in love with ANOTHER one of Ellis' exs. Okay yeah Ellis has had A LOT, but still. Can't throw a rock and not hit and Ellis girl. Hell even I dated him almost married him, but didn't .. long story and the past. we're all friends and stuff I guess..

Stopping typing and drums her fingers abit. Giving them a rest and thinking what else was on her mind.

“Oh and I guess I forgot about talking about my attack. So I went out to get food and check out the town on my own. It's changed a lot since I was there. I of course got lost. Then some ass came out of the dark from behind and demand I give him everything I had of value .. all I had on me of value was my wedding ring. I know why did I have it .. as a reminder to me, but again I fucked up and lost it. So .. yeah shit happened took my shirt and I got cut up..nothing big just a few stitches. That was when I told Austin I loved him..he end up leaving the room and the nurse took over.. oh yeah so that was my first week back. Lot to take in in such a short time. I kinda look forward to see what happens next week. Well i guess i should go to sleep now.. so .. umm bye. "

She saves the entry and sighs shutting down the computer and puts it away. Getting ready for bed, she crawls into bed and curls up with her pillow and sighs. Drifting off to sleep.