((This is writen in pen in a leather bound journal kept beneath Ginger's bed. None of the letters within are ever meant to be seen by anyone else, they're simply for her sanity.. or lack thereof.))

A final glance is given towards the room at the opposite end of the hallway, her eyes lingering on the closed door for several moments before turning and pushing her own open. Within seconds, shoes were being kicked off, clothes shed, and an over sized t-shirt donned just before the slim figure slid onto the bed. A minute passes. Then a half an hour. Another hour. Sleep has yet to come. She sighs, leaning over to turn on the lamp nearest her before her gaze would settle on the pen and empty journal she had been meaning to use for weeks now. Perhaps now was as good a time as any to give it a try. Slender fingers would glide through the blue hued strands hanging around her face, eager to push them back out of the way before beginning.

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I felt you for the first time today.

It was gentle and faint, but it was you.

It was one of the most amazing things I think I have ever experienced. It was also one of the most terrifying. It made you feel so much more real.. I don't know what I'm doing. That scares me. Truly, down to my core. I am afraid of losing you before you get here. Your father is terrified of losing you before you get here. Were we to lose you... we would both be lost for good.

I hope that somehow, even now, you know how much you are loved. I hope the pain or anger you hear in my voice so often does not shape who you become. You are not my pain or my rage or my hurt.. you are my happiness; my tether to my humanity. Were it not for you, I would surely already be wholly the monster I so often feel I am. Better yet, know I am. When it comes to you though.. something good is still there. A shred of decency and hope. Something real. Something that makes the chaos and violence fade away into nothing.. even if it's only briefly.

Your mother and father.. well.. we won't be anything at all like other parents, but we will always, always love you. I have so many regrets in my life.. heaven, or in my case hell knows I'll likely have more by the time you're ready to be here with us. Just know that you are not, and never will be one of those regrets.

I can make you promises, though not nearly as many as I wish I could. Your grandmother, my mother, she didn't feel I was worth keeping. I wish I could tell you more about her.. but there's nothing to tell. I never knew her. I likely never will. I'm okay with this. I can promise you I will never give you up the way she gave up me. I will never toss you aside like something disposable. I can promise you I will make mistakes, as will your father, as will you. I can promise that we will love each other regardless of those mistakes. I can promise you that no matter what you are told as you grow, about the sort of people your mother and father are.. that we will do everything we can to protect you. Some of the things you hear may be false. Many.. will probably be true. We live in a cruel world. We are monsters. It does not change what you mean to me, or to us. It will never change how important you are to us. It does not have to shape what or who you become.

I can promise you that there are a few good people still left in the universe, even if they are hard to come by. I can promise you that some people may appear to be good, but are not. There will be many of those. You can survive them. I can promise you that you have an amazing family that will welcome you into the world. Your uncles and aunts will love you just as dearly as your father and I will. You will learn like I did, family does not have to be bound to you by blood. Family is everything. Loyalty is everything. You'll learn. There will be plenty of time for that.

For now, I will just try and wait as patiently as I can for you to join us. I can't wait to meet you face to face, my little demon. Waiting is the hardest part.