((Amber is rather unpredictable and quite emotional. I'm warning you now, there might be graphic descriptions in her journal entries that might not sit too well with some.))

I'm not really good at all of this expressing myself shit, but I suppose it's worth a shot. I need to talk to someone about this, and I guess writing it to a book that can't fucking respond will have to do. Yea, this makes total sense. Anywho, so shit's been hitting the fan lately all over the place the last few months. While my life has always been hell since my adoptive parents died, things just have gotten so much worse since coming to Hathian. The last few months, though, have proven to sent me into an all time low.

First off, I got knocked up.. fancy that. Yea, the whore got knocked up, such a shock! It's not so bad, really. I mean, I found out I'm having a little girl who seems to be in good health despite my reckless way of living. I suppose luck was on my side there. Shortly after finding out, though, my boyfriend just up and left without a word. It struck me as odd, considering he said he'd kill me if I harmed his child in any way. Sometimes, my neck still aches thinking about that day in the shop where he saw me smoking my hookah. I survived, but he proved he was serious, lets just leave it at that. So, I'm heart broken, like, seriously heart broken. I suppose that's what I get for letting someone in, right? Just goes to show ya that men are unreliable.

Oh yea, I run the Vudu Spice shop, which has been a great experience so far, and I'm raking in the dough like crazy! Bad thing? Fucking reapers tore it apart. Now I have to start from scratch. My beloved pot plants were destroyed.. my pot plants! Like, what did they ever do to the reapers? I hope I can get some clones to get the spice back out on the streets. Luckily, I have amazing staff who have been working around the clock to help me get it back in order. That place was my life, my love, my second home. I'd marry that place if I could. I just hope we can rebuild our stock and make it just as amazing as before.

On top of all the heart ache, more men have been entering my life than ever. Sounds good right? Well... not really. I'm confused as fuck right now. I picked up a guy at the butchers who was homeless, and for some reason, I invited him to stay with me. What was I thinking? He's great though, calls me Queen just like he fucking should! Helps me around the trailer. His warmth at night has been a blessing. Sounds good? Well.. the most confusing part is I don't know where our relationship (if one arises from this) will go. And on top of this, there's this cop I've been talking to. Yea, a cop! Me! Go figure. We hung out the other day down by the beach, and he kissed me! Normally i'd punch a guy in the face for randomly kissing me, but it actually was nice. I swore I'd never do this again... swore I'd never let another man into my life. Here I am... with two of them... sorta.

Well, this, surprisingly has made me feel better, and not so alone. I mean, I know I'm not alone since I have my girls, but I don't see them around much. I kinda need to avoid Kat. Well, not need to, but if she finds out I drugged her... yea things won't be pretty. Blame Kakihara for that shit. That's a tale for another time, though. I need to head out to the shop, maybe get something to eat. I'm kinda hungry.