(For IC blogging, go here: http://thecrackden.com/community/blogs/aislingmilgrom - This here, is IC musings, or a personal journal of sorts.)

It's only been a few weeks since I moved to Hathian in order to attend Columtreal University. It felt like ages ago since I first came onto the campus and met some of the people; felt so long ago that the memories themselves were already foggy in my head. If memories were like photographs, these would be the ones that were yellowed and starting to curl in on themselves. You can still see the picture, but it's not as clear as it ought to be.

That was disconcerting enough for me. Time passed in strange ways here.

I came here, however, because my home life was unsatisfying, though I've found out that even putting near one thousand miles between my family and I, it didn't help. They were still able to reach me, to get another sucker punch in from home.

Scott and Deirdre. Not Dad and Mom. Not Father and Mother.

Scott. And Deirdre. They conceived me, she birthed me, but I was always the mistake. They already had Doran and Quinn, a boy and a girl. They didn't need me, nor did they want me.

I was just a piece of furniture in their lives. That piece that they bought because at one point they wanted it, but after it was delivered they had buyers remorse. And the store didn't have a return policy.

I'd get moved around from room to room, as if they were trying to figure out where I fit in, but I didn't go with the wallpaper in the living room, didn't match the style of the rest of the furniture in the dining room.

They would refinish me, sending me to private schools, just like Doran and Quinn, and then try again.

Now and again they would break me, like what happens to most furniture.

Eventually I was relegated to storage when they found out that no amount of refinishing and moving could make me fit into their lives.

And then...I was forgotten. Ignored. I didn't really exist anymore, not to them. They still paid for my schooling, gave me an allowance for clothing and other shit, but beyond that, I was Aisling, who just happened to share their genetic code by some random chance.

And they were just Scott and Deirdre.

~*~*~

They have called me exactly twice since I got here. The first time was the day after I arrived. They wanted to let me know that they were turning my room into a spare bedroom.

Their way of saying that I didn't live there anymore.

The second time was because they forgot how to set the TiVo's to record a show.

Even with almost one thousand miles between us, they still know how to hurt me. They are still able to reach out their hands and pull at my skin, ripping it off.

I think it's why I started taking pain killers while I was here.

While I was at home, they were there and while I knew they didn't love me, they were able to distract me with new reasons why every day. While I was there, I could tune them out, actively.

Now that I'm away from them and don't hear from them, I started tuning back in. I started feeling again.

All I could feel was pain and loneliness. And it was unbearable.

~*~*~

(Continued when I feel the urge to write again...haha)