I have a lot of time here in this cell.
Thoughts blur and a myriad of old movies play in my mind. 

I see you reaching out for me. 

I open my eyes to stare idly at the dull brick walls of my cage. 
I always hated this part. 
The silence.
The never ending hours weave around my neck.
Tightening.
I struggle to breathe.

Your face looms over mine. 
My hand instinctively touches my bare stomach.
Why do I still feel guilty?
I shove that thought in the back of my subconscious where it belongs.

Anger is better than guilt
Anger is stronger than love.
Anger is my salvation.

The sanctuary wherein I can ignore the reality of my actions and revel in the destruction I expel.

Just as if I was there,
flesh and bone,
I'm back at our secret spot. 
Your hand tangles into mine.
Except one thing seems to be amiss.
I gutted you.
Carved my way out.
Using only my teeth.
So why are your hands bloody?

Why am I missing your eyes?
Those piercing icy blues bore into me.
I can feel the tingling warmth as tears lick at my cheeks.

My eyes open again. 
Shaking my head as if I could shake away the madness that's consuming me. 

I keep drifting in and out of this semi comatose state.

I peer over at the bodies surrounding me. 
How I hate this place. 
It's probably for the best I'm locked away at least for now.
These chains won't hold though. 

He's gonna have his way that Cheshire, I often wonder if I should just embrace him for once.
Seems to be the only constant in my life. 

Once again I'm back in an old movie of past tales.
The entrails of my former life just pool around me.
I can even feel it's sticky, wet warmth.
I wiggle my toes.
There you are again walking towards me those eyes, I swear will be my undoing. 
Suddenly your form shifts and I'm left staring at a mirror of myself.
Cheshire, that cheeky cunt, assaults my vision then
Clawed hands wrap around my throat.

Idle hands do the Devil's work.

I should just let him take me.
Use me.
I no longer feel like paying attention.

His grip tightens and he whispers sweet nothings into my ear
Oh the places we'll go he says.

I can feel myself breaking and giving in to his demands.

Blood Blood Blood Blood.

That's all he ever wants. I can't remember a time Cheshire wasn't with me.
He's kept my body moving when I've given up.
He's stopped me from ending it all.
He keeps me alive only for his benefit I'm sure.

One cannot exist without the other.

The gripping claws around my throat loosen. 
I'm faced with my guilt once again. 
Instead this time it's a reflection of you, that this mirror casts. 

My hand reaches out for you.
Only to be met with the flat surface of this looking glass.
Cheshire has popped up behind you.
His gnarled hand looks as if it's about to burst forth through the reflection.
Instead all he does is shatter it.
I'm surrounded by broken glass.

And there's blood seeping through the remnants of that mirror.

All I'm left with is a tattered jigsaw puzzle. I frantically try to put the pieces back where they go.

I just wanna see you again.

I realize the blood coating everything is mine.
I look down at my hands they're coated in it.
I look past them to see your lifeless body on the cherry wood floor of my bedroom.

Your skin pale.
Your eyes no longer bore through me.
I keep reliving the day you died.
By my hands.