The sound of skype ringing, has her jump up from her seat, Cosima had zoomed out while smoking a little something-something. Eyes went wider "Shit!" she cursed loudly "Oh, Shit! I totally forgot.." The brunette clears her desk as fast as she could, making sure mother wouldn't comment on things she would see, Joint would be left to die in her Ashtray, while hands moved up just to wave around the room, attempting to clear out the smoke. Finally, she sat down and picked up the Skype call that flashed on her laptop screen, ending the horrible sound that just kept ringing.

"Mommaaa!" Cos's voice high pitched - while mother didn't give her room to say anything else.
"No.. No .. No, I'm alone.. Mom, How are you..?"

"Bueno! Bueno, Mi Amor.. How are you? I'm here to talk about you.. your Nephew has set this up.. this thing called skype? But... I'm so glad I can see your face!!"

Her mother chirps, her voice filling the room while it echoed trough her loudspeaker of her laptop.
The geeky one couldn't help it, the sound of her mother's voice, the thick Mexican accent, it made her eyes roll lightly as she sat back, hands moving trough her messy brown dreads, just to lay them to rest, curling the smaller ends of her locks.

"Fine, Just good.. you know the usual, stuff.. " She lies, she wasn't doing horrible, but things could be better.
Especially with Kate leaving her side, she barely spoke to Simi anymore, not to mention the rest of the O'Morains.

"Oh? Really.. Tsk, tsk.. why would you lie to your mami, huh? I can see.. even trough this screen.. that you have been in better times.. Dios mio.."

The brunette sighed, and body shifts in her chair, moving to the ashtray to take out her joint and look for her lighter, ready to hear a preach about smoking, but seemed the Mexican lady had given up.
Silence filled the room, until joint was lid and Cosima moved back to watch the screen, thank god there was technology.

"Okay, so.. I had this talk with Doctor Marras.." She started.

Her mother kept nodding and stayed silent, so it was Cos's cue to carry on

"So.. uhm, yea - He uh, says I'm doing good.. you know, making progress, slowly.. but surely, and I try to.. you know, control my urges and - " Mother left no time to say another word "It is unhealthy Cosima Margaritha Perez.."

Cosima rolled her eyes a loud sigh escaping her crescent ones "Mom, those are not my names.. I'm not baptized.. and It's not just unhealthy, and.. It's natural for me to be who I am.. Actually - " She moves up from her relaxing position in her chair "So.. If you let me.." The Mexican daughter let out, clearly annoyed, before she sits back and starts again.
"I am told to write a journal, about my life.. and.. you know.." Geeky one rolled her eyes again, just a habit out of annoyance and frustration, hands flail up, just to reach for lighter and light joint once again. "What? I do not know.. Cosima?!" her mother chirped Lips parted, making an annoyed sound, afterwards she took a drag, blowing out the smoke she tried to bring "Sex.." Casually. "About my sexlife.. which I am not going to define to you, or talk about." Hands moving up in defense.

"For me, you are still.. a virgin, a saint, and I wouldn't have it any other way.. plus, for me you will marry a husband, have kids.. and be that doctor you always talk about."

"Scientist, ma.. Scientist, and I'm most likely not going to marry a husband." She growled lowly

The one on the skype call waved it off "You are not a lesbian.. Cosima, I never have raised you like one.." A pause from her mother This is.. why I send you to talk to Doctor Marras, he is going to devote his time to help you be the beauty you should be, no?" her mother called out, adding "My time is running out mi amor, not to mention your clock. hmm, you cannot spend the rest of your life to getting your papers and become this scientist you say you want to be.. Look at me.. Huh? I live perfectly, I have eight kids, and a great family, if you forget about your father's side.. "

Cosima waved it off, her hands moving in a rapid somewhat aggressive movement "Yea, yea - you are the 'perfect' Mexican, overweight cook, cleaner and housewife.. congrats.. I just believe-" she didn't have a chance "MARGARITHA" her mother called out which frustrated the Brunette even more.

"It's Cosima.. you and dad called me this.. so.." she took another drag, eyes staring at the small rolled cigarette filled with weed as she tried to stab her mother in the back with more words "and If everything hadn't happened with Dad, It wouldn't even be O'Morain.. but Niehaus.." Mother let out another sound of annoyance, surely - it always ended up in a fight, didn't it?

Cosima realized she had been a little harsh "Hokay, Hokay.." hands moved up "I'm sorry.. Just, ugh.. It's good to see you.. I will keep you updated.. Okay?"

Her mother smiled warmly "Muy bien querida, está bien .. Saluda a Kate, ella es tan amable siempre me skype, lo hace deberes más .. A menudo mi hijo a salvo."

Cosima smiled faintly, forcing herself to do so, wiggling her fingers into a wave "yea, I will say Hello to Kate, and I will skype you more.. like her.."

She could hear her music be turned back up, after the skype call had disconnected an slowly she shifted to stare at the book, the book she had to begin in.

"hokay.. writing.. writing..this is what I should do.."
<p style="text-align: center;"> Love Extended Is Mere Madness </p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Dear Diary,
Dear Blackbook
Blackbook
Note :</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">12/22/2015 - Cosima O'Morain / Niehaus</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">I have SLA. Which stands for Sex and Love addiction.
It's a pathological passion-related behavior involving the feeling of being in love.
Medical reviews conclude that current medical evidence does not support an addiction model for maladaptive passion-related behaviors, plus there has never been a reference to love addiction in the DSM.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">I write in this book, to learn my mistakes, see trough my patterns and break the key that leads to this addiction, to break the circle.
The compulsive attacks of falling physically in love, which came on and passed off by sudden fits.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">I know in terms that the term Love addict stands for : A person whose needs for more love, more succor, more support grow as rapidly as the frustrated people around her try to fill up what is, in effect, a terrible and unsatisfiable inner emptiness.</p>

<p style="text-align: center;">I do this, because I feel like  I reached the point of despair.</p>

<p style="text-align: center;">My first assignment is to figure out my relations in the past.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Jose Vega,  she was the brother of Maria Vega - A brunette, brown eyed just like me, coming out of a traditional Mexican home.
Jose and me where around six or seven, his sister was a little older.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Jose, had bullied me : stolen my glasses, my books, called me names, he simply did anything to get my attention.
Day in and out he teased me, called me names, forced me to chase him around the playground when he stole my books.
I had no idea that it was because he needed attention, or wanted attention from me, but had no idea how to ask for it.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">I always have been one of the guys, since I was sixteen, but at this age (like Six or Seven ish ) I simply was alone I had Kate and family members, but was a lonelier in school.
Most times I sat somewhere on the bench, reading in the sunlight, or just in the shades underneath the Jupiter tree.  I couldn't stop reading, even though I barely remember the books I've read, I knew I was in love with them.
In love with how the world changed, I could forget about anything. I was able to  disappear into the story and become the character, live the story, just by holding a book and read it, I was in love with reading, and addicted to it.
Wherever I went, a book would've been carried with me.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">It was a regular day, the sun warm on our tanned skins, I had left the crowd of loud children and traded it for my own peaceful moment, sitting in the shades to read the current book I was reading.
I'm not sure what I was reading, but I'm sure I was reading - since I didn't see Jose coming.
He stole my book, and made me chase around the playground, which most times happend, often even.. if I didn't go tell the teacher, he would have his moment of fun.
I would chase him, willing to fight for my book, take back what belonged to me and he would have me run behind him, for a minute or two, maybe even more before he would throw the book to one of his friends and I could endlessly run from one to other, attempting and failing to catch my be loving book.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">This time, it was different, than the other times, Jose ran past the corner of the old building - and I couldn't help him but followed.
He stood there, I think he was a feet taller than me, he had short dark hair, small eyes and high cheek bones, small soft lips with a small scar, ruining his perfect crescents. They curled up, I blinked and stared at him, I'm not sure what he said, but I attempted again, my hands desperately reaching for the book but attempt failed as he held it far above his head.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"> " A kiss.."  The Mexican boy said in his mother language, which made me furrow my brows and put my glasses back up my nose
" A kiss?" I asked hesitating.
"Give me a kiss on the lips and I will give your book back."
I crossed my arms, and shook my head making my curly locks dance in the sun "No!" I called out, trying to top my game by tilting my chin a little, but he didn't seem to change his mind.
 " A kiss.. Jose repeated " A kiss, or I will throw your book away!"I could feel anger boiling inside me, but he got me, my books where everything.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">It wasn't even my book, it was from the library and my mother would see me coming, she would kill me if it would go missing.
" A kiss..?" I questioned, slowly agreeing, but still feeling a little embarrassed, but eventually I would give in, and do what was told"A kiss. He said.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">My small feet carried me shyly closer to the kid, while I pursed my lips and moved in.
Slowly, our lips met, and my eyes closed.
It seemed minutes, ages - the first time.. I had ever kissed someone besides my grandparents, sister, brother or my parents.
Slowly, I can't remember how long our lips just stayed together in a thin line, but from one moment to the other he stepped back and held my book out.
My hand move to wipe my lips, just to move in to catch the book he was holding out, but again he held it above his head
"Now we are girlfriend and boyfriend, and you will have to kiss me whenever I ask you to."  I simply had nothing else to say.
"Sure"I gave him a shrug, my eyes focused on the book.
If that would mean he would leave my and my books  alone...
Sure.. we could be girlfriend and boyfriend.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">We stayed girlfriend and boyfriend from that day on till I was about 12, we learned how to walk hand in hand, went on small dinner dates at our parents house, went outside together and I helped him with Math and the things he disliked,
He would draw me weird little drawings and we kissed. The beginning it was innocent - for years and years, eventually It changed to French kisses, but I think that's it. He had learned how to do it from TV, a thing I hated, or said I did - even though I sometimes could really appreciate mindless cartoons.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">The day I found out, Jose wouldn't be my boyfriend forever, and there was a thing called sexuality was close to my 14th birthday, I sat in his room on his bed having one of my books with me while he was out with his father doing groceries.
The house was pretty empty and silent, for a house that lived with many residents.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">The sound of the floor creaking, had me look up and there she was, standing in the doorway, having a colorful dress that matched her still forming shape, although she had more boobs than me, and still has.  "Maria?" I question, knowing who she was, but never really did anything with her, besides staring at her awkwardly at family dinners.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">"Cos.."  she gave me, stepping in  "Reading as always?"  the girl asked.
Slowly I nodded moving the book up, lifting the front to show her proudly what I was reading but she didn't seem to bother.
Maria's long fingers moved up to get one of her dark locks that fell in her face, out of it. Moving it slowly behind her ear while she came to sit next to me on the bed.
She was about, sixteen, if I remember correctly.
I was ready to tell her what I knew about the book, but her hands moved up to take it from my hand placing it on the other side of the bed, as she moved closer.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"> "You are pretty smart Cosima." she said, which freaked me out a little since she had never said my name full out
"Yea, Since I was six.."  A comment I still often use.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">There was a certain tension, my stomach curled up - I swore I felt butterflies in my guts, whirling, dancing around.
She did the same gesture, with her long lean fingers and I could feel her stroke a curly lock behind my ear.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Her hand moved almost in slow motion. I couldn't even count to ten, before I knew it I would feel her fingers caress my cheek, her hand palming it softly as she moved my head in
"And Pretty good looking too."  she whispered
.
I felt my throat getting dry, just as my mouth - feeling like I had stranded in a desert for hours and the only thing I could feel and see was sand and the warmth air burning. I rasp my voice, trying to move my head.
I failed at it, Maria placed her soft lips against mine. My eyes went wider, a second or two I had no idea what to do, her hand still on my cheek, but it felt so good.
So, I closed my eyes, my body inclining towards her while her lips where against mine.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Slowly, her mouth opened and so did mine, our noses barely touching meeting our soft skins, as head tilted and we kissed deeper.
It took ages before tongue was used. And I felt in heaven, for the first time - I felt like I fully belonged.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">I belonged with Maria on her brother's bed, our breaths stocking, I could feel my whole body tremble in excitement, my stomach curled up, and finally we used tongue.
Tongues meeting, I didn't even know it could feel that good, ever.
Until, I heard the same creak of the floor I had before.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">We moved away from each other, as fast as I could - and there was Jose.
His hands had curled up in fists, his features tensed and red, looking like he was going to explode.  "MARIA!"  he yelled, cursing in dearest mother language - even the bad kinds of ones we never use with grandparents around. Before I know it, I could hear the stairs, people - yelling - while I zoomed out, still thinking about that kiss.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">His mother came upstairs, yelling - Maria had been send away, and her finger curled around my ear, pinching it hard to drag me down the stairs and out of the house towards mine had brought me back to reality.
I never had heard the sweetest lady curse and scream that much, neither my own mother, my grandparents shortly afterwards. It was a sin, I would be a devils child they believed.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Maria and I secretly dated till I was sixteen, we never had told anyone she was eighteen, and beautiful, I don't think I could ever been in love with anyone that way.
But everything changed, as she met a guy from twenty, he introduced her to cigarettes, cars and night clubs, liquor and smokes and I had no chance to give her anything like that, since I was still.. sixteen.
My heart was broken, I don't think I have cried that much, ever.. But going to America, home - as my father always had called it, would change everything, the years went by so quickly,
before I knew it I was eight teen.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;">Before I knew it, I was the dreadlocked geeky brunette I am know, and I was finally finding my way in the world.</p>
<p style="text-align: center;"></p>
<p style="text-align: left;">Cosima felt her joint burning against her fingers, she cursed and threw it in the ashtray, just to leave it to die and roll another one.
Eyes moved onto the burning screen of her laptop, reading over what, watching the time before she sighed and moved up.. Enough for a today.. enough, it was..
She looked for her phone and swiped her phone, unlocking it with the familair code she used on most of her devices '3421' she scrolled trough her contacts and started texting away
There would be another time where she could write again, standing she turned on her music a little bit lowder, just to make give it a few dance moves before she plopped back into the chair.</p>
<p style="text-align: left;">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9T7xBSKtuFc </p>