Mr Matfield,
I have never been good with letters. I sucked in school so a lot of this is possibly gonna look like shit. Sorry in advance
I remember being terrified of you when I first met Sid. The Dad look you gave me if I wrapped an arm around her. I can look back, and laugh at when you corrected the grammar on a shirt I wore around her that said " I GOT a Boner" To you pointing and saying " That should say I have a boner, Not Got". I think that was the day you caught me, right after I kissed her for the first time. let me tell you. I was always looking over my back after that.
I am writing to apologize for some things that I have done in my life that may have affected Sid. I can't say I did this shit because I was young, or blame peer pressure. It was purely my decision. Drinking, weed, tried some harder drugs. I was possibly trying to hide from myself many times. But Sid, she was always right there for me. She could have walked out on me time and again. That's not the kind of daughter that you have though.
You raised an amazing woman. Yes, she has made her mistakes, and. people talk mad shit about her. But, from one man that loves that woman, to her father. I want you to know, that she has grown up right. She is always thinking about what her father would think of her. That is the way a daughter should be. She worships you, man. You are her God. Don't think you have failed her. Don't think you have failed Ema. We all make mistakes, then pay our dues. you know?
It's kind of funny for a fuck up like me to be telling a guy like you to keep your head up. But, seriously. I envy you. In a very good way. I envy you in the sense that no matter what hardships you all have gone through, She has never turned on you. I hated my dad for a long time. maybe wished you were my dad at some points.

On the subject of Ema. God, that kid is amazing. She didn't like me at all at first. she is spirited and fiery, and stubborn.. Just like her big sister. It's like there is a mini Sid running around. and her favorite thing to say if I sneak her mountain dew. " Don't tell Siddy". lol. Sid doesn't like to admit it. But she is very maternal to the girl. Ema adores her. and listens very well.
I Know I told you I made my mistakes. But I am clean now. 2 full months. I was just signed with a record label, and shit is crazy. Like moving at warp speed. But I do wish to be a figure In Ema's life.. even if it's just while you are away. She asked me if she could call me Dad. Just for pretend the other day, and said that she wants to see you. I thought I was like those women watching a lifetime movie when she said that. Damn near bawled like a woman right there. . I offered to be a big brother figure to her.

I promised Sid that I was bringing her to see you, She said she wants that. I hope that maybe we can bring Ema. Just so she can have some kind of light in her eyes when she talks about you.

That other guy. You know who I mean. I don't like to talk about people I don't know, because maybe he's a good guy deep down, Maybe he's better for her than I could ever be. But knowing that he came to see you without her. That kind of says a lot to me. I don't know what happened, and really. It doesn't matter to me. All I know is that upset Sid. That meant it upset me.
People want me to turn my back on her while she figures her life out. But what kind of man would I be to turn on her when she needs people? The love I have for your daughter.. man, that will possibly never go away. Just gotta learn to apply it differently.
The studio! It's like.. a dream come true. Sid goes in there and even takes Ema. She has been getting Demos together, Going to school, working and watching the kid. You would be proud of her. The place is like a church for musicians. There is only one God in that place and that's the euphoria you get when you are in that room, hearing your own tunes. You should hear how amazing she is. I'm gonna send you a CD of her singing, But don't tell her. It might boost your spirits some.
I know you want to know what happened with the wedding. So here it is in a nutshell. We were too young. people were right. That's all. We would have ended up playing house, maybe have a kid.. and turn our backs on what we both wanted. The blame game would have started. and the love we still have for one another, would have turned to War of the Roses. Fighting over kids. me moving to Ireland. Sid here. I would have possibly turned into my dad. dropping my kid off with some woman he once loved. I doubt it would play out like that. But.. There is always that chance. We saved ourselves from finding out.
Otherwise all is well. ( Not entirely true. he wouldn't tell the man Sid said she was all messed up ). Promise. to get this stuff together. Bring Sid there asap. Keep your head up. I will hug the ladies for you ( Sid and Ema, )
Bruce W. McNamara