I was told when I was younger by mum to hold close everything dear to me. To make sure nothing I want or desire slips through my fingers. But what she failed to tell me ... was how to do that.

The little angel I held in my arms so tight. I thought we would have the whole world in front of us. So many years ahead of us to grow and mature, Waiting for you to grow into the beautiful woman I knew you was going to be .. meet boys and break their hearts and have your mother break their bones if they tried to hurt you... I would you know! so would your uncle luke, god he loved you so much...He's been so helpful though all of this... But I see such fear in his eyes...hes petrified, scared that the same thing will happen to him and his little girl, victoria.. named after your grandma. She was such a lovely woman... I really wish you could have met her sweetheart.

You were too young. too damn young! I loved everything about you .. you were so innocent, my little light in this black hole of a town, I even named you after my cousin. Ruby... shes so quiet and innocent, not tainted by evil. it fitted you so well!
shes here now.. staying in the room next to mine, sometimes I watch her sleep, all I see is you.. your little face snoring away as you slept.. your chest slowly lifting and falling as you rested. Its hard to look at her and hide this pain, she knows about you, but shes young.. she doesn't understand this pain yet, I hope she never will.

Ruby Rose Barnes... I will see you again, and you better run up and give me one of your hugs and kisses you know mummy loves so much ... because right now I have been craving one for so long... I love you my dear, sleep tight