(scribbled in a journal she kept since she smashed her old laptop)

So you think its all happy and then the world comes crashing down again, I don't get why the world despises me so much why it seems to just fall apart at the seams. I'd rather be dead some days than rot in this hellhole of a world. A world which some people feel lucky to live in. Well i'm not one of them, i don't think anyone could genuinely love or adore this world.

If god was real then why did he make the world cruel, why does he do this to people ,when everyone worships and loves this fake idol ,when all he brings is pain and destruction. Is the world as fucked up as my mind, is that why this world is nothing but a prison. A fake heaven that people spend so much time trying to cling onto. Gripping onto its fragile surface for dear life because there so afraid of the inevitable death that will swallow them up.

The only thing i live for is ushio, my own flesh and blood is the one thing i keep breathing for, she's what i keep fighting for. If people knew this truth they'd maybe see me differently but they will never see it, they will never see into my head, they'll never know the real me.

If i try to be happy then maybe i can be happy, and then i can feel whole, i can feel like i belong, because i don't think i do right now.