So I been feeling a lotta shit lately, and read somewhere that apparently writing down my feelings is supposed to help. I dunno how that makes sense, it's just a pen and fucking paper dude..and now I'm here writing down the shit happening in my life in a book. I bet who ever finds this eventually will just be laughin their big fat ass off.

Who ever you are, fuck off. Stop reading before I make your asshole whistle.

Anyways, I'm supposed to write down what happened to me, right? Okay, well here it goes. I dated Rachell in secret. I fucked her..in secret. A lot of times. Never thought I'd actually take such a liking to a bitch old enough to be my Mom, but I dunno..I slept with my sister on a nightly basis for a long time. Not nearly as bad as sleepin with someone twice my age. Things between her an I didn't work out though, and we split..then stopped talking for a little while. Not too long after, we started talking again and I came over to visit. We fucked, obviously. Turns out that I knocked her up in a bush.

What was APPARENTLY THE DAY AFTER (tho I remember it differently..but whatever. Bitch) I went on a date with Ema in the Twister. We talked for a while, then started making out. Almost had sex right there in the club, but instead all I got was a look at them tits. Didn't take long before I got in her pants though. She seemed to bring out the good side in me. People were starting to talk to me again and shit, but it felt weird. Like I told her just the other day, I don't think nice really is me. I mean..just look at my Dad. Could swear my destiny is to be an asshole forever. And no, I ain't planning to marry OR fuck my daughter. If I have one.
Anyways, Ema and I ended up breaking up after I told her that I found out Rachell was pregnant. It was a mess. Begged for her to take me back, but she wouldn't. Now all of a sudden, after I am talking to someone else..who is named Else. Ha. Haha. Ema wants me back again. I want to say yes, I really do. JUST FUCKING LOOK AT HER DUDE. But, I'm not good for her. Besides..there's Else.

I dated Else four years ago. Not counting my sisters and Dad, no one knows that her and I spent a good year right at each others sides outside of Hathian. Though she definitely has some downfalls, the time I was in a relationship with the bitch was probably some of the most fun I've had. Fucking her on top of a cop car dressed in a bunny suit, torturing Mafioso's in the sewers, and just fucking shit up. I know it's not probably the smartest of my choices, but I think this might just be the chick I stick with. Life is short; have fun with it.

But..that ain't cover it all. These past few months have just been shit piling on top of shit. I just got out of jail for fucking up a cop car with the Syndicate, which was definitely worth it. Not worth all the broken bones that came after, but ah well. They'll heal up, then I'll get my revenge.
The day after I get out of that hellhole, I learned that Ema was attacked. The baby she was carrying was killed. Sure, Ema seemed as though she was gonna keep me from being able to see my child..but it was still our child. Whether or not I was able to be with them, all of my life was going to go their way in hopes that it would somehow reach and brighten their day, give them motivation to go on with their lives. I'd respect Ema's wish for me not to take part in either her or the childs life, but would ensure to be there for every moment of the kids life and watch him/her grow right before my very eyes. Just so I could say that I did. To be sure the kid didn't stray down the wrong path. You know, sort of..indirect parenting? I dunno how to make sense of it.

I do love Ema. And I love Else. I guess writing this did kinda help after all..this pain I been feeling is conflict. Here I been hopping between women in search of which one seems to be the most fun..Rachell, Bailey, Ema, Else. It's time that I just chose one and took off.