I feel awake for once, the happenings of the world no longer seen through another set of eyes.My life was once mundane, uneventful. I was kind, compassionate, full of life... naive, foolish, deceived. Hathian taught me how to be strong, I was unable to learn my lesson fast enough. For that failure I was not ended prematurely as so many lives are. I was instead given a gift, Him, the one that saved me from my own self destruction. I felt myself pushed, molded to bend to the whims of something foreign. A creature in my own mind that did not see the world as I did, but in shadows and games. His cackling laughter still rings in my ears. His visions of blood and flame still cross my mind in terrible detail. I tried to fight, eventually giving into him and letting the hate and fear take over. I felt like I had gained so much... yet in the end, I realized I had lost so much more. I fought.. I fought and I fought until finally.. the one piece of my life that never gave up on me. That three foot nothing rock in my life finally gave me the strength I needed. Not even my own but I would never allow anyone to question the feeling of that bond. My daughter... strange hearing myself say that.. my daughter saved me.

I'm here now.. the HGH mental ward, writing these thoughts as my mind goes through the chemical process provided by the drugs they have given me. The apologies to my family have gone out. Hours spent on the phone, tears shed, screams felt... forgiveness granted. I deserve none of it and yet they still give me unquestionable loyalty and love. I am doing this for them. Veury' Dac, my brother of so long and enforcer of our family. Keilailli, the beautiful sister who never questioned me and never judged me, always her hand ready to slip under the waves to surface us again. Finally and most importantly, Kenzie... The toddler terror that stole my heart and gave me something I never knew and needed for so long. I never knew the joy a child could bring into life till I met that little firecracker. I love every one of you and will always be here for you from now on.

This brings me too my close. These thoughts are unedited, so forgive the random tracking please. I will be on medication for probably the rest of my life, the initial VA psychologist sent to investigate my condition describing it as " severe traumatic events culminating in a fractured perception of the world within different perspectives." I have no fucking clue what the jackass said I just know the nurse said " so he's schizo?". Needless to say I intend to have a professional from the private sector do their own determination. No matter the outcome, I am a changed individual. Back from the dead you might say, ready to begin a new chapter in my life. The family business is back under my wing again, money is back in the accounts. I have many bridges to rebuild, many persons to work to gain favor again. This city is my home, it is time to give it the true devotion and time it deserves.

((letter was discovered in unopened envelope sent to an unknown p.o. box in Hathian, intended recipient never picked up))