((These pages in no way reflect my own RL feelings. They are strictly IC, and are written from Eira's point of view. WARNING: there may be triggers in future posts. Read at your own risk))

It was late, and she couldn't sleep. The moon glowed brightly above the trees, it's light illuminating her small room. The covers of her bed were far from being neat and orderly, as she'd spent a good bit of time tossing and turning. A small notebook lay tucked beneath her pillow, something her fingers quickly began feeling for in the dark. Slipping the hard covered journal from it's hiding place, Eira cracked open the pages, gentle touch gliding over the blank pages. With a sigh, she plucked the purple pen from the spine, and let the tip dance across the pages as it spilled her secrets.

I have no idea what time it is, and I don't really care at this point. The moon is bright, it's hot, and I can't sleep. I've been in Hathian nearly two weeks now, and I already feel as if life has changed forever. I can't say my grandmother would be proud of me, at this point. Then again, that woman always had a way of surprising me. I miss her so much right now. She died a few years ago of old age, but she sure as hell fought until the end.

So, Tiff, Seb and I no longer talk. It's a long story, but I'm not sure I'm all that upset. She's changed, as I guess everyone has in this town. Everyone says it's poison, and I already feel ill from it's effects. I was raped two days after my arrival, moved in with a random man, slept with a few others for absolutely no good reason. I'm disgusted with myself. Then again, I've never felt more alive! You see, I'm not worried about seeking approval anymore. For once, I'm just doing what I want and enjoying life. It might be selfish and childish, but I've always been responsible, always thought of my future, and always feared how others would see me. I don't want to live that way anymore. Bri has kind of opened me up to that idea. Yea, she slipped me x. No, I'm not happy about it. In fact, it pisses me off. Still, the girl sees me as something great and thinks I'm fun. That's a first!

I'm not sure where my future is heading in the love department. So many people here say that relationships don't work. Then again, I see a few couples who appear happy and in love. It gives me hope. For now, I have Matt I guess. He's nothing special, really. I like him and all, but he's not into me the way I'm into him. We just get together for some fun, but there's no way we'll ever have a future. While I'm disappointed in myself for continuing with him, at the same time it keeps me numb. At least I don't feel alone.

Ellis is another story. He's the one I randomly moved in with, and left again in a matter of days. He's got a pretty nasty history which really worries me. When I'm with him, though, he's the sweetest person ever. Okay, most of the time. Everyone has their faults, though! I know I do. I tend to hold grudges. But with him, I can't. He's trying so hard to be better, and I see that. I won't lie, he scares me. He got drunk the other night and shot Tiff and Seb. Sure, they deserved it, but will he relapse? I don't think he'll ever hurt me, but I hope I can bring out the best in him. He deserves love. Not sure where we are going but we'll see!

I'm looking for a place to settle down, and enrolling in medical school. I want to be a doctor and save lives. I guess if I'm in a town where I'll probably fuck up a lot, I can at least do right by someone. Not to mention, I need to be able to afford a place on my own, and nursing pay sucks. I think I'll need a lot of luck to survive here.

Finally, Eira would yawn, feeling eyes grow heavy. Gently shutting the journal, she'd shove the little book back beneath her pillow and roll over to watch the moon as she drifts off to sleep