It's been nearly a month and a half since Regi took off to leave for the oil rigs and when I thought I might hear something, the silence has been such that my ears ring from the screams of my mind. I never would of thought it would be so hard to raise my son on my own and before it was not that bad. I had helpful support near. Of course now I have Regis mom to leave Roman with but I felt as if there was no choice.

I am not really sure where things took a turn for the worse. I mean one day we were laughing until we cried and the next day he was kissing me good bye. I suppose the end was coming when he returned home one night. I think we had an argument and he had gone off to see Cort. Cort....what can I say about the woman but she was such a tormented soul. I spent that night however on the floor of my sons room and our little ones offer support so many will never know. Some time during the night however, Regi finally came in. Scared me to death when he woke me with tears staining my cheeks. But there was something in him before he ever told me what happened that that showed not only the fear and sorrow he felt after what happened but something dead inside as well. I wonder some times if maybe he might should of turned the knife on himself afterward. Oh he tried to be supportive. He was awful crazy happy about the baby as well. But the long and nagging memories he had of that night seemed to be too much and he was gone.

Time passes since then. Roman has been away because I just can't bear for him to be in town. I ate, worked and slept. I've made a few friends but breaking in to a new town has been so hard for me. Even nicking their circles is at times a feat. When I thought the safety of the threats after Corts death had passed I found a new freedom and even that didn't last. I was raped in my own home. Never saw him Again for that matter. Well. I didn't think I did. There was another tormentor as well. I thought they were different people for what seemed like forever. The dependency that he made me feel. The whirlwind of emotions my brain has gone through. Only to find out it was him all along.