Red drags the old trunk to the middle of her bedroom floor, dust still caked the top of it somewhat. She'd make a face and wipe the dust on to her jeans then opens the lid slowly. She sits down and raises a brow, seeing her giant mutt didnt waste anytime setting his head on her lap. "Big baby" she mutters to Zane and scratches behind his ears. She reaches into the trunk, pulling out a leather bound journal. She brushes aside more of the random papers, and find three more journals that were the same. Each one was numbered on the front, the name 'Stella' engraved in the leather material. She flips through the pages and stops and a random spot and reads:
I didn't want to believe it when the nurse nodded her head yes. "Congratulations" she beamed before pulling me into a hug like we were friends or something. "uh..thank you?" I could only reply. What could I do? What will Bud say when I tell him? This is not what I wanted...not even close. My schedule is already booked for the year, all the Goddess shows were sold out too and I worked my ass off to get re-casted for the lead. Damn. My costumes won't fit after the second month either.....I'm fucked. I'll wait til after rehersal to tell Bud..maybe I'll make him a nice pasta dinner..butter him up abit....
Red pauses and shakes her head...her mother was pregnant with Troy and didn't seem to happy about it either. She would skip through the middle of the journal, fanning through the pages towards the end, finding another randon entry...
Troy is six months old now and he's anything but a happy baby. He seems to constantly cry about everything, always wanting attention. I know babies need love...affection...food..but he drains me. He even scares me sometimes, the way he looks at me..eyes cold like his father. Bud hasn't been the same since Troy's birth. He is distant, out late and comes home smelling like booze and perfume. I was lucky enough to get my body back into dancing shape and get back on the stage. I never want to leave it again...but I don't want to stay with Bud. I can't. This isn't love...not even close. A fling that turned into being a mother, hell we're not even married..and I doubt he wants to be. I will always love my son, and I hope he will understand and forgive me for what I'm about to do.."
Red would shut the journal quickly letting it fall to the floor, as a small piece of of her mother' past marinated in her mind. She would leave the journal on the floor as she shuts the lid of the trunk for now. She'd peer at her watch and would sigh, now that it was time to head to Lou's. Another day, another dollar.
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