March 6, 2016

Dear Sprog,

It’s funny.  I write for a living but I don’t keep a journal or a diary or anything like that.  But now that you seem real – making mama throw up every morning is a nice hello to the world, by the way – I feel like I should write.  To you.

So.  Sprog.  My sprog.  Don’t worry, that’s not your true name.  Your papa and I have some ideas but really, I haven’t met you yet.  Then I’ll know who you are.  I know you’ll tell me.

I want to apologize up front, my sprog.  Because here’s the thing.  Your papa, he’s not living with me.  With us.  And he won’t be.  He’s here as best he can, visiting and such.  He loves you, even now when you’re nothing but a tiny tadpole making me throw up in the morning.  And because of him, you’re going to have a big half-brother.  But he won’t be there with us, not for the little things.  Not for the everyday things.  It’s just because of life.  Things you won’t understand for a long time, so I’ll just remind you as much as I can – your papa loves you.

I think that’s part of the reason for this letter, sprog.  You're in business inside there, and every time I look online or in a book about what’s going to happen, people talk about how the partner can support the new mother.  Rub her feet.  Hold her through the mood swings.  Rub her back.  That’s not happening with us, so I’m going to write it all out as it happens.  It’s you and me, sprog.

I didn’t plan you.  But I’ll tell you a secret:  it never occurred to me not to have you.  I think aunt Lily – well, she’s your great great aunt Lily – I think she took one look at your papa and decided he was a child of Ogou and that was that.  She always said I was a child of Erzulie.

I guess none of that will make sense unless I raise you up in the old time religion.  We’ll have to see on that one, sprog.  It can get a little funky.

Anyway, that’s me.  Put me on paper and my thoughts wander.  What I really want to say is, welcome to the world.  I love you already.  And there’s only one lesson I really want you to learn, sprog.  I want you to know that life is as celebration.  No matter how bad or how good or how in between it is, life is a thing to savor.  Every single moment.

Love,
Mama