To the coward who is my “father”,

I’ve never met you. You weren’t there for my birth, you never experienced what my mother went through as she changed during the pregnancy. You missed the first time she felt me kick against her hand, you missed the ultrasound, you missed every waking moment I cried and kept mom awake at night. Your ten seconds to create me was the only thing you’ve ever done for me or my mother. You know what it’s like growing up without a father? Do you understand how humiliating it is to sit on the front porch…watching all the other kids play catch with their fathers while I sit on the porch and toss the ball in the air to myself? Are you picturing the heartbroken look on my face? I went through my childhood wondering why everyone else had a dad that loved them and was there for them, but mine was non-existent. What did I ever do to you? What did mom and I do to deserve you up and leaving without notice?

I don’t even know where you are or if you’re even alive. And honestly, I don’t care. You’re probably back home in Greece somewhere with your family. Do they even know about me? What about Koneko? Yeah. I know that I have a sister from another woman who you did the same thing you did to my mother. Does it ever cross your mind that you’ve ruined lives before they even took their first breath?

I have a wife. She is beautiful. You missed the wedding and I am sorry I didn’t send an invitation but it was only reserved to men and women; you’re clearly nothing and certainly not able to hold down the title of being a “man”. We have a daughter, she’s one. She is beautiful like her mother. That’s right, you would’ve been a grandfather had you decided to get your priorities in order and stayed. I’ve withheld their names because you don’t deserve to know them. Just like you don’t deserve to know me. All the success I’ve had in life, the success I’ve yet to have…is in no part due to you. Mom did her best to be both a mother and a father to me. But you know, it would’ve been fucking nice to have an actual father around to go do guy things with. Fishing trips, camping, working on the car…I had to teach myself how to shave my face when I was 14.

You know how many times mom has apologized to me for your absence? The tears she has shed, that I have witnessed time and time again? She thinks that she is the reason you decided to leave, that she wasn’t good enough. She’s wrong, though. It hurts to see my mother cry. It hurts to see the love my wife and I have for each other, and for our daughter and then look at my mother who had a man she loved more than anything and the only thing he cared about was himself. Mom used to tell me all the time I look like you, that I have your nose and your eyes. That sickens me now. I want nothing to do with you. I don’t want to resemble you in any way, shape or form. Because I am a man. I stood by my wife’s side when she was pregnant. I didn’t just up and leave like you did to two different women. Is there more? Do I have other brothers and sisters out there that I don’t know about?

I don’t even know why I am even writing this letter. It’s not like you’ll ever get to read it. Father’s Day has come and gone, just like the years before with no one to give a call and say “Happy Father’s Day, Dad” to. No card to give. But this one, this year…was different. I AM a father. I got to feel what you’ve missed all these years. Maybe that’s why it’s hurting so much now. I had so many questions growing up that I wanted to ask you, and now I just don’t even want to know. I don’t care. There used to be a hollow inside of me that had your name on it. An empty feeling, like something was missing because “dad” was nowhere to be found. You know what? That hole has been filled. Filled by people who show they care and love me. People who won’t ever just up and give up on me before even giving me the chance.

Sincerely,
Your son