"Cougar seeking Cub or Lion Maybe"
http://thecrackden.com/paper/2013/04/02/cougar-seeking-cub-or-lion-maybe/

  Madison Gardner, age 38 is currently seeking a like minded individual for a potential long term relationship. Would like to maybe start off with a friendly date that could lead to more. Not open to sex at first, but it’s negotiable. For hobbies I enjoy: Water skiing, horseback riding, hang gliding, body building, playing horse shoes, listening to polka, fine arts, chess and ummm favorite foods are salads and…healthy stuff. My turn ons: Piggy back rides, being slapped, people with pet chickens, Men with mustaches, muscles, nerds and guy’s that know how to protect a lady. What am I looking for in a guy? I seek a sense of humor and someone that is down to earth. I would like someone that is into rock climbing, though I don’t know how so maybe he could teach me? Age doesn't make a difference but definitely over 18 and less than 65 for sure. Glasses are a plus too, but not necessary.  I don’t really date girls so please don’t call.  Also, if you are into Doctor Who, that’s a plus as well. Only call if serious, as I am not getting any younger and am not about playing games.  Though I do enjoy Scrabble.  My number is xxx-xxx-xxxx (Sash Arabello).  Please don’t be shy as I look forward to meeting Mister Right and maybe talking things over a nice candle lit dinner at the Gein or whatever perfect date idea you have in mind.