She stares out of the window as the scenery passes by in a blur. It wasn't too late to change her mind, but she wouldn't. She grabs her handbag and digs out a maroon coloured, leatherbound, notebook and flips it open to the first page, then grabs a pen from one of the pockets at the side. Her handwriting is loopy, almost playful and made her wish it suited her current mood more. As it stood it was the complete opposite.

July 13th, 2012

"Nothing lasts forever, you would do well to remember that."

I do not believe in bad luck. There are simply some moments that take the wind from your sails when you feel like you're soaring. Want some advice? Always keep a paddle handy. No matter how slow you move ahead, you're still pushing forward and in time the wind will pick up and you'll be soaring once more.

Now more than ever I believe that people create their own faith, they are responsible for all that happens to them and they are the only ones that can decided that they want to be happy and how to get to that point. Sometimes that happiness requires that you take a leap, a huge leap. You will need to believe that when the time comes there is someone there to catch you when you fall. If you're fortunate, you do get caught and there is no greater rush than to experience taking control and finding out that it pays off.

I believed that I was caught, that I was one of the fortunate ones. That following my leap, the world turned bright and sunny. Something I could view through lenses that were the perfect shade of pink. That a warm embrace enveloped me and for a time, I felt safe. It was an incredible feeling. Until I awoke.

My feeling of safety was a mere illusion, I've been unconscious for all this time and then to find out that, that part of my life was really not what it seemed. I had never been caught, the experience was just a result of the collision I made when I unceremoniously hit the hard surface below. My eyes are open now and I see clearer than I have for a long while.

At this very moment, I feel like I cannot do this or anything for that matter.

Preceding my this entry in my diary, I've written two letters of resignation and tied up some loose ends. There is no reason for me to keep up the charade. I've lost my way. My purpose for being in this place has been pushed aside and I have failed myself. There is nothing left for me here right now. The only thing left to do is return home. I've honestly been missing europe and the weather here doesn't suit me. Classes don't start for a while and by that time it must be cooler. That is if I even choose to return.

Part of me feels like I'm being melodramatic. I'm not the first person to get dumped and certainly not the last. The bigger part of me feels like this is the right thing. I miss my parents and more than anything I could use their wise words and warm embrace. Though we are not bound by blood, they have always been there for me. Always supported me and always pushed me to achieve all I could. I can only benefit from their guidance and only they can set me back on the right path.

There is, after all, no one that knows me better than they do.

I could doubt my decisions, but I never have and there is no reason to start doing that now. I have no regrets in regards to my choices. Mistakes teach us so much and are a vital part of life. There is a lesson to be learned in the pain I feel. As intense as it may be, it will get better. I just need to push through it.

I do so hope he finds what he's looking for.