((This diary is secretly hidden from view within her him or private procession. This entry would have been written early this week.))

7/9/2015
Why did he have to come back. My life was just starting to look normal and drama free when suddenly he shows up with all guns blazing looking for me. He hurt me too many times before for me to even look at him again. I lived 3 years of my life in fear of what he could do to me and when that faithful day happened I promised I would never go back to him. How did he even find me, I'm a tough woman and I will make sure he suffers for the pain I suffered at the hands of him for many years of my early life.

8 months later and I'm the size of a small whale but I'm ready to pop these babies out of me and start being a mom again. I started painting the nursery a light yellow with a border running in the centre with lots of different characters and children fantasies that even I loved when I was growing up. My kids will have everything. I had a great upbringing and I want to give my babies the same. I recently found out that my mam and dad met in Ireland when they were visiting they're families and they didn't even know they met and I loved hearing all the beautiful Irish names, I'm hoping I have a girl just so I can call her caoimhe or saoirse or aoibheann. It's such a beautiful country and such great people why not pick names from it. Although I wonder how many people would struggle to get their names right.

So I recently got engaged and I find myself rummaging through wedding magazines looking for that one perfect dress. I was planning to organise a beautiful wedding and invite lots of people from the area to it and have a nice big party but the more I thought about it the more I want a small wedding on a nice beach with a wonderful sun set over us and the waves breaking at my feet. Well time will tell what I decide.

I have being thinking back and I noticed how lucky I have got from when I first moved here, nobody actually knows that I committed a really bad crime when I first moved here and got arrested for it but it ruined my career in law and I thought that would be the end of my life, I never knew that in 12 months I would be engaged with twins on the way. Bad things have happened to me that I will never talk about to anybody when I moved here, only certain people will know what happened to me because they done it on me but I learn't that life is too short to live in fear and shame of something I couldn't avoid. I made bad decisions but I also made very good decisions.