you may be wondering why I adress you. I guess it's because it feels strange writing to a book. I rather write to a living being and of all living beings, you were the one closest to me. Nowadays I don't even know if you are still in town or if you even think of me sometimes. I think alot of you, that is for sure. I think about all the good times we had and how my single mistake ended it all.

This letter, I won't send it to you, so if you read it now, then we have met again and I have given it to you. To be honest tho I don't think it will ever happen. What we had is a thing of the past now. You and me, I last saw you on Kaorus funeral and perhaps it's time for me to move on.

As you can think, moving on is a thing easier said than done. My sister is dead and nothing in the world can bring her back. But I made the first step to a solution, by trusting her, my granny and my mom into Michis hands, Kaorus former boyfriend. If he takes care of them, perhaps I can stop thinking of them. It's probably an egoistic thing to do, but he seemed to be really excited about it. And you know if he hadn't taken that burden I would have burned them all and myself right there.

It's a good thing, the first step. I haven't felt as alive in a long time. When I woke up in the morning things already were looking better. I wrote some messages with Sergei, do you remember him? I wonder where Milo is... he seems as lonely as me. I hope to speak to him in person soon, I'm sure he can need a good friend.

I feel like I have to start all over, I have to try and be more positive, take the world with a smile rather than a frown, no matter how often this town knocks me down. Of course not everything is pure sunshine... like when that woman forced a kiss on my lips today hoping to cure me from being gay. Can you believe it? Cure me of a sickness that is not a sickness... I would have laughed if it wouldn't be so sad.

And she wasn't the only homophobe I met today, there was this guy barely an adult, he wrote me I would be ugly and disgusting as soon as he found out I'm a guy that is into guys, so I posted him some pictures of gay love to troll him. I didn't know he would go as crazy as he actually did when I met him on the street. Guess I have to be careful... be picky with who I spend my time.

Anyway as you can read I'm no poet, but there were a few things I wanted to write down, to remember, and to let you know when we meet again. I really miss you.

with love and kisses,