((Upon several people telling me to do this I decided to post my RP scene from today. Many things lead up to Asher attempting suicide. A little you can find in his IC diary here: http://thecrackden.com/community/blogs/asher))

Zoran Avro swings the door open wide as he walks out, his steps sounding heavy, but hurried already from the inside of the building. The wood thuds against the edge of the wall, bouncing back only slightly before Lex's outstretched palm holds it open as wide as it goes. He doesn't say anything, catching his breath while he glares at Asher's back, unknowingly to himself shaking after racing over to the overlook the moment he saw what could have been Asher from the beach.

Asher Vostok didn't move when the door swung and crashed against the outer brick. Lex's knife and the mirror shard are in his lap, from the back there is no damage but he is paler than normal, jeans town as if he's sat up here all week. His mummbles can't be made out but occasionally his knife laden hand comes up to scratch at the back of his head, tugging his hair. The knife is bloodied but it's dryed upon the metal.

Zoran Avro continues to shake, no longer just with the effort of ascending stairs at the speed he just did, but with anger and the attempt to restrain it, keep himself from lashing out at Asher in a flurry of blows that would surely bring the man too close to toppling off over the edge. Lex was furious, but also careful, and his steps are slow, though deliberate as he finally lets go of the wood he was holding on to, and starts to walk up to Asher's back, his hand carefully extending forward in an attempt to catch the knife's handle along with Asher's fingers when the weapon is stretched back to scratch at the back of Asher's head.

Asher Vostok 's hand was caught, but he didn't really seem like he noticed. Green eyes turned down towards the sea, but his left hand brought up the mirror shard to see behind him. The blonde features filled in the spaces around Asher's dark ones and his mumbling continued low, "i can see it, i can see it. Darkness." His eyes run up the length of the medium sized fragment to see Lex's face trying to maintain his compousre. "You can come too." His hand around the mirror shard was bloodied and raw, and you'd see his too wide eyes staring back at your blue ones.

Zoran Avro feels his pulse jolt again, and blood thuds in his head as he stares back at Asher's wide eyes. For a moment, he looks like he is going to hit him rather than come along anywhere, but reason surfaces, and Lex realizes, or thinks, that Asher is here to jump off the damn overlook. His legs slowly start to bend, and he crouches down behind Asher, his head leaning into the man's ear while his free hand starts to curl around his waist. "I can't come. But I can't stay alone either, can I?" he murmurs, his eyes turning to stare down at the deserted beach.

Asher Vostok mmmmed softly as the feeling of warmth wrapped around him that radiated out of from your body. "I can take you." His expression changed, eyebrows lowering into a more cautious expression, "You'll be happy too." He started to try to stand up, pushing up against your front with a weak strength that's driving mostly by the fact he doesn't exactly know how long he's been here.

Zoran Avro feels a jolt of panic when he feels Asher begin to rise in front of him, though luckily, leaning in the right direction. But Lex doesn't waste time, and with his lesser, but more rested strenght, he lifts his knees off the ground and pushing back with his feet, tries to pull Asher back and down onto the ground if he loses balance, just as the man begins to rise, his other hand yanking him by the fist he was holding.

Asher Vostok was jerked around by his fist to reveal the cuts and slices that have been cut on his chest. Some are deeper than others, some ragged, but all are at least a few hours old. Asher stumbled forward into Lex the arm that was free wrapping around the smaller man's shoulders. "You wanted to talk, and you're not talking," he wispered. "You would take him back with out finishing his duty." His foot slides backwards towards the edge, "Lets go together then."

Zoran Avro stares dumbfounded at what Asher mutters to god knows who, his eyes drinking in the sight of the cuts that could be so alluring to Lex, but at this moment were filling his heart with an emotion too closely resembling dread. He had to help, but better than anyone, he knew he was no good at helping. And distracted, he takes a dangerously stumbling small step forward when Asher starts to move back, his hand quickly releasing the fist it was holding to fly up to Asher's hair, grabbing onto it while his piercing, wide eyes find the other man's greens. "Listen, Asher, ya motherf...." he growls, and realizing that the pull on the man's hair gave him not enough leverage, he releases his waist only to grab onto the rim of Asher's pants, trying to lock his fingers under it and yank him back, away from the edge. "Ya motherfucker. Get back."

Asher Vostok mmmmmms not resisting as Lex readjusts his grip and holds him, jerking, but Asher's now free knife laden hand comes to cut slowly at another place on his chest then runs the blade on Lex's cheek to smeer the blood there. "Be free with me," attempting to pull Lex closer to his body, "One step and all the sins are washed away, everything can start over. I can be a better person for you." His voice taking almost a kind airy note to it. "You don't want me like this, i'm worthless like this." He shifts his grip and moves the knife towards his other hand and transfers the mirror to the free one and shows Lex his reflection. "It doesn't like you."

Zoran Avro grunts when he's yanked again, but like a person holding onto a piece of floating wood in the middle of the ocean, clinging for dear life he resists, glaring at Asher until his stare slowly moves to the reflection in the mirror. "It doesn't -know- me." he responds in a highly sarcastic tone, but quickly catches himself, knowing that if Asher yanked once with too much strength, they'd both fall right down onto the rocks. "He's mine and I want him. You have no right to take him anywhere." he says suddenly, in a serious and authoritative tone of voice, speaking to Asher's reflection in the mirror, since reasoning didn't seem to be able to do the trick. The blood smeared on his cheek, he ignores for now, but the liquid feels cool and moist on his cheek as wind blows right at it.

Asher Vostok chuckles as Lex talks to the mirror, "See you don't like yourself either. I will hold you, I promise, I wont let go." He leans in to whisper against Lex's ear which he then licks and nibbles upon, letting the hand that was raised squirm back over Lex's shoulder. "Let me help you, protect you like I always have." Reasoning was beyond him, "You can't own him, this is your fault," he growls, "All your fault."

Zoran Avro 's heart pounds in his chest as he holds on to the man who he quickly figured was talking to him through some odd personality split. "Asher, it's lyin' to you." he says after a pause, his expression slowly shifting into a sneer at the mirror which he then, releasing his hold on Asher's head, tries to slowly reach for, and curl his fingers around the sharp edges to cover the mirror. "Ya will die, an' I will die if ya take another step back. Ya understand? It's just a goddamned, jealous liar." he continues, staring at Asher now, to catch eye contact as if it was going to make the man understand what he was saying.

Asher Vostok tightens his arms around Lex's shoulders as the grown man starts to cry into his shoulder, "It's for you...it's always been for you." His voice whispers, one foot lifting to dangle back over the air. The shard is taken out of Asher's hand, he doesn't resist it some of the orginal conditioning still there as he raised his red rimmed eyes at Lex speaks to him once more. "Who's jealous?" Raising an eyebrow and transfer the knife back to his right hand behind Lex's back, "Twisted, it's all twisted!" His head shakes back and forth quickly.

Zoran Avro 's eyes turn down for a moment, to stare down at the water over Asher's shoulder as he cries. "Asher." he says, and though he must have meant to say something else he stops there, and his hand drops the mirror it took out of Asher's hand to drop it back behind his foot which then takes a step back to step on the shard, and crush it. "Asher, come. Come with me." he murmurs back to the man, and his free, though now profusely bleeding hand raises to the man's cheek, its long fingers trying to rest against the other man's skin, drawing him back away from the edge.

Asher Vostok follows the hand that has attached itself to his cheek. His eyes close, still babbling but it's quiet enough that it's more to himself. The crunch of the mirror under Lex's foot doesn't register, only the warm hand pressed against his skin. "I tried to make presents, talk, write, drink, get high." He says then, "I can't protect you, why...?" The peak of the extreme seems to be waining for the moment as his shaky legs draws him after the black figure, then his eyes widen. "Death...has come." He looked around then straight at Lex reaching to try to push a finger behind the white collar of the priest. "God and death, angels, white...it's all white," his baratone breathed as he peered at the collar.

Zoran Avro begins to feel a smirk quivering at the corner of his lips when Asher starts to follow him, and said smirk manages to hang onto his lips even when his collar is grabbed. "Death has been here a while, but it'll wait." he murmurs back to Asher, his eyes narrowing to him further away from the edge, his hand sliding along Asher's cheek to hold onto the side of his head, a long thumb caressing an ear. "Come back with me. I need ya." he adds, his voice dropping even further to make the mean lean in to listen to it.

Asher Vostok takes anohter couple steps forward to listen and to follow. He attempts to yank the white piece out of the collar, "Make it black, black is nice, clean, no stains from death." He spoke like he knew and maybe he did, but either way his legs were following which is what mattered. "I need you too, but it was all for you, it's always for you." He didn't recognize his own problems and his breath came in heavy pants, his arm still drapped over one of your shoulders and the one with the knife down by his side and tapping the hilt back against his leg repeatedly, almost nervously.

Zoran Avro continues to lead Asher, not stopping yet as his feet move over to the opened door, to pull the man inside, his expression dropping its facade to turn serious again. He let Asher get like this, and now he knew it - while he wallowed in his own thoughts and cut up cats to satisfy the hollow inside him, Asher was spiralling out of control, and in one of rare times, he blamed himself. "I know, Asher." he whispers while trying to lead the man inside, and his voice chokes with a sudden anger that warms the inside of his chest.

Asher Vostok is led by the hand at his cheek and the focus upon the white piece in his hand which he then puts in his mouth and bit down on it "Where we goin'?" He asked in a rather childish tone, that hand slipping off the black covered shoulder to pick at one of his many wounds. "I can make you something, to say I'm sorry...promise...duty..." his eyes look down, now ashamed, he had things he needed to be doing but couldn't.

Zoran Avro bites down on his tongue, keeping himself from cursing when the ground floor flashes before his eyes through the hole in the wooden floor. Just his shitty luck it would be, to walk from nearly toppling to death only to fall in through a goddamned hole and crack his skull on wood. "Mm, we can make whole curtains out of the bastards we don't like, wha' ya say?" he asks, still not completely trusting Asher not to go running off some balcony. "Ya should be sorry. Ya didn't listen to me immediately." he adds, gracefully beginning to transfer the anger he felt towards himself right at Asher as he pulled him towards the stairs to begin leading him down. Suddenly, Lex wasn't a fan of heights.

Asher Vostok was pulled along like a child, stumbling to catch up as he is led down the stairs. He's eyes widen as the anger is transfered, he doesn't know what to do with it. "I don't know what I was thinking." Blinking heavily as they make it down the first landing, the holes in the floor not even being noticed, obviously to the rest of the dangers then shakes his head. "What happened?" Still clutching the white collar which he then presses against the still bleeding chest wound where his finger had been to turn it red. "Red is better than white too." His baratone sounding prideful and arrogant with that statement.

Zoran Avro huffs, and his grip on the man tightens as he yanks him off the last step with a fair amount of excessive force. "RED IS NOT BETTER!" he erupts suddenly and pivots to face Asher, his eyes flashing angrily while his free hand swings to backhand the man across the face with all the emotion his small body was currently trying to contain.

Asher Vostok blinks as the hand connect with his face, he is shocked - sure he's been slapped before, even by Lex and he should have been use to the blonde fickle emotions but he was going through his own shit and didn't expect the reaction. He stares at Lex with a bit of slack jaw and those wide eyes, unmoving there at the bottom of the steps and a single word is spoken, "useless." He tries to yank his hand back from Lex so that he can turn, but even if his hand isn't released he'd start to pace awkwardly, talking to himself as he tried to reason out the reaction, his thoughts coming forward and spilling out of his mouth of their own accord. "Sorry, black, white...red....better...skin....why the anger. Scared, he's scared." He didn't seem like he realized he was talking, "Scared, why. Me. HImself, too much. Baby...no. Baby...mine, need to deal. Scared, right...slap, why..."

Zoran Avro hisses under his breath when his hand comes back, finishing the backhand swing. He breathes hard while he stares at Asher, aware that his own outbursts were unnecessary, but Lex wasn't the master of his emotions more of the time. "Asher." he says again, his voice soft now as the anger left him like air leaves a broken baloon. "Come, let's go home. Let's go have a drink, huh." he says, and slowly approaches the pacing man, stretching out a hand to grab his forearm in a motion that showed he was sure he was going to be able to do it.

Asher Vostok was grabbed and stopped instantly to look down at him, "Sure," smiling softly like nothing had happened. "We still got vodka?" His head tilts as he's suddenly in quite a good mood.

Zoran Avro kicks the door open, and walks Asher right to the armchair, leading him to sit down on it before he heads to the kitchen, and grabs a bottle of vodka, the last one left. Grabbing a rag on the way, luckily not as dirty as it could have been, he starts to walk back to the chair.

Asher Vostok came to the house and moved through the door to the familiar smells and sounds. He tried to pull from Lex as he stepped into the room, scratching himself before he looks around, only to be regrabbed and pushed down into the chair. He didn't know what was going on but he stayed quiet now, watching Lex's hips sway in a way only a man's can. It was obvious where his gaze was, but whenever did it leave Lex's ass.

Zoran Avro was beginning to feel his anger resurface, but he now knew that Asher had to recover before he could experience the blonde's wrath in all of its glory. Lex had to take care of him, and that was precisely what he was doing as he opened the bottle and poured some of the fiery liquid onto the rag as he approached, soaking it in the vodka. He then hands the bottle to Asher, holding it out impatiently for the man to take as he starts to lean over him, reaching out with the rag to dab at the first cuts on his chest.

Asher Vostok didn't think there was anything wrong with him. He knew that he wasn't normal but the extremes were almost not noticed. The bottle was taken and drunk in glups as the rag dabbed at him and he let out a moan as the alcohol bit at his nerves, tingling pain up through his chest. The cuts were shallow, but the alcohol would stop any infections that happened to be there. A good portion of the bottle was gone quickly.

Zoran Avro 's eyebrows twitch, and try to come together as he continues to clean the wounds, propping himself up with his free arm resting on the armrest now that his hand was free of the bottle. "Where did ya go." he says, his voice hollow and level as he tries to keep emotion from creeping into it to give it an accusatory tone.

Asher Vostok pulls the bottle from his lips and settles it next to the curve of his hip. Green eyes stare at the top of Lex's head. "Just up to that building," his low tones voice softly, wincing not at the cleaning that is going on but at the emptiness in the blondes words. Suddenly his heart hurt, "What's the matter?" He asked almost normally, as if Lex had a bad day at work.

Zoran Avro continues to dab, dabbing and dabbing meticulously as if he wanted to treat each laceration with the utmost seriousness like some OCD perfectionist. "It's nothin'." he responds quickly, too quickly, and his answer is followed by a pause after which he leans in, finally relaxing enough to lay a soft, prolonged kiss on a deep cut just under Asher's collarbone, keeping his lips pressed to the slashed skin.

Asher Vostok mmmmed, as the kiss came discounting the pause for nothing more than Lex being flickle once again. His hand came up to run his fingers through the still growing hair and letting his fingertips massage into the scalp. The bottle was forgotten for a moment. "I'll try to be more for you," he mummbled. thinking that all he could do to fix this was to delve further into his promises.

Zoran Avro sighs slightly, his breath caressing the wound while his lips lean away from it, and into the hand running through his hair. He didn't want the relief of hearing Asher talk like himself again, it brought so much emotion with it - all the built up, restrained emotion that threatened to quake his whole self if let out all at the same time. It was almost amazing to Lex to have Asher back in an armchair after he started to prepare himself for the man having left him completely. "I won't let you get like that again." he says, quietly, making a promise as much to Asher as to himself, his eyes never lifting off the man's skin.

Asher Vostok licks his lips softly, "I don't know the difference," he admitted after careful thinking. His words were truthful though, even if the extreme was at a peak of extreme - he didn't know the difference from that to what was 'normal'. Lex was the only constant and too many factors had kept the two apart, too many ways for thoughts and other expressions to find their way out of his mind and into his conciousness. So many things were effected by the simplest of things that he couldn't control and it had been a build up of months that seemingly caused the melt down. "Give me purpose again." His fingers tightened to test to see if the hair was long enough to grab get, "give me a reason to not give in," deep tones cadenced from his lips as he never turned his gaze from the top of the blonde hair.

Zoran Avro 's head nods, and he stays suspended over Asher, thinking, until his hair is yanked by the large hand that just, just managed to grab onto it. His brow furrows. A purpose? "Terror." he says, and his head tries to turn to look at Asher. "The looks in their eyes, the uncontrollable shudders. And us, together. We're letting the goal fade into the background, Asher. And the goal is to leave this shithole in ruin before we can move on. Tha's the purpose." he says, and though he was improvising, as shown by the pauses in his speech, he believed every word he said, and the conviction shone through his words.

Asher Vostok closed his eyes and breathed out as if he could see it. "Tangable, in ruin...fear." Asher nods and releases your hair to grab the bottle and offer it to Lex first. He forest gaze intent upon the man as he paused and started again. "That goal cannot fade. Things have been neglected," he mummbled and then moved to wrap his legs around Lex's waist. "People do not fear me anymore, I havn't been seen and neither have you. What Ava did struck us a blow that even I hadn't imagined." His words sound almost prophetic but they are just him. "I love you enough to give you my heart, Lex, my heart and what ever else you'd have - just ask." Reitterating words from months before when the two really came to understand the intensity of their relationship.

Zoran Avro abandons his task completely, and starts to turn, his head still lowered while he listens to Asher speak, nodding at times. Things have been neglected, and a blow was struck that still had them shaking. But Lex's words assured even him that they were slowly turning to go in the right direction again. And pulling his knees onto the armchair, Lex climbs into Asher's lap, his head stretching out for his lips to lean into the man's ear. "I want all of it." he whispers, and his lips stretch in a smirk, his hand soaked in vodka as it clutched the wet rag. And with those words, instead of making another move, Lex pushes himself off and tries to climb off through the side of the back of the chair, almost over Asher's shoulder.

Asher Vostok shivers as that smile filled his vision and those words filled his ears. "It's yours..." he assured, though if today was any example sometimes it wasn't. He didn't stop Lex from going, just pulled the bottle back to his lips and let the sweet twang of alcohol fill his taste buds again. "Well start tomorrow," he mummbled after Lex as he left.