[this is all in a little black Moleskine notebook, written in a small, neat font.]

Things change so quickly here, almost in the blink of an eye. Maybe it's just me.

I don't know.

Hathian has a way of trying to steal a person's happiness away. It always has. I'm sure it always will. Death, destruction, violence follows you everywhere when you're here. And you can't just leave, no. It's like a mold, a virus. Something you can't just shake.

Jackson showed up when I least expected him to. And I didn't expect him. Ever. He's perfect. He scoffs when I say that. But it's the truth. He's taught me what love is. Really is. He teaches me daily. Love, trust, faith, security, safety.

He teaches me to believe in him. In myself.

And even when I have my moments? He doesn't leave. I can be a brat. I can push a person to their limits. Most walk away. Not him.

He loves my son, my Ronin. They're amazing to watch together. His own father doesn't give a fuck...and here came Jax without hesitation. He was scared, yes, but...it didn't stop him.

I don't want to be without him. But here...in Hathian? I'm scared that I'll lose him. Like I was saying, time moves so quickly here.

Time is chasing after all of us.

It is. I'm excited and scared, thrilled and terrified of what I feel for him, how deeply I feel for this man who...is so similar to me in unexpected ways.

I can't lose him. Ever.

I need him. Ronin needs him.

And the Pea needs him, too.

-am