(Since for some damnable reason I can't log into the blog page, I figured I'd post it here. Hopefully it's not too innapropriate. Just letting anyone interested what a "date" with Jack is like. It's told first-person, as though he were talking to you.)

Ah... What a fucked up weekend...

Where do I begin?

It started nice enough, eh? Spent some time with the ol' lady... Fuckin' mood swings out the ass, y'know? She's given me shit, tellin' me I ain't supposed to be fuckin' other people, but fuck it. What does she know? Anyway, before I know what the fuck is goin' on, she's cuttin' my arm. Then she's fucking rubbin' my blood all over her. Fuck... Kinda weird, but kinda hot too, y'know?

Later on that night, we go hang out in a cemetary. Fuckin' gotta love a chick all dark like that, yeah? She tells me to mark her. What am I gonna do? Say no? So, now our initials are on her hip. It's fuckin' sweet... Bitch loves me. No idea why, but I dig it, y'know?

Next up... heh...

Had some fun with this really fine chick. She had this exotic look, y'know? Like... maybe Asian or somethin', of some kind of Latino. Anyway, yeah... fine. Long black hair n' shit.

Anyway...

This chick turns out to be a workin' girl (whore, to you dumbfucks). She tells me how much it's gonna cost. It's a lot, eh, but I say "fuck it". But, she has all these rules, man. Like, no rough stuff. Can you believe it? Shit... like I'm some sort o' monster or somethin'... But yeah, I tell her I'll give her an extra twenty if I can do a little more. I ain't no vanilla kinda guy, y'know? She tells me to fuck off, then. Bitch. Then she pulls a knife on me! I'm a man, y'know? I ain't gonna back down from that shit. I pull my own, and the bitch runs off. Dumbass took off her heels to do it. She deserved that glass she stepped on...

So, this bitch is layin' there on the ground. I know she wants it. She even gives me her panties, like some sort of reward. So, I give it. She sucks me like I'm payin' for it n' shit. Real pro. She tells me she wants it next. You know how I mean... So, I give it. Good job she did of it, too. Rubber broke, which was a bitch... She better've been clean, or she's toast...

Know what? I don't smoke... But fuck, this is one of those times I wish I did, eh? It's like that guy in the movies... You know the one. The cool guy who always has one in his mouth, talkin' 'round it while he's tellin' you a story... Ah. Fuck it. Anyway...

The next night? Man... just as good. Met this sweet little chick, a student at the college. She was a little beat up, but fuck it... damaged goods don't need to be broken in. Told me her name... Spring? No... Wynter. That's it. So, yeah, we go for a little walk... get away to somewhere private. She knows what I want... she wants it too. Next thing you know, she starts gettin' real kinky... Actin' like she don't want it all of a sudden. Gotta admit, that was pretty hot. I pull my blade again. I know she wants that whole "bad guy" kinda vibe, so I play along. Anyway, during foreplay, my knife slips, y'know? Total accident... Hits her in the fuckin' arm, man! She pulls it out and throws it away. Had to look forever for it. That came later, though. Heh.

So, yeah, there I am, doin' her, eh? All of a sudden, some fucker hits me from behind! Thinks he's a hero n' shit! Ugh. Hate those dicks... Took off like a little bitch, though. Scared my date off, too. Bitch.

Sunday, man... Sunday was fuckin' nasty...

I'm walkin' around, and see the chick I was with before. The exotic one. She's lookin' a little rough... Musta fell down stairs or something. Anyway, we're havin' this friendly little chat when she gets all shaky n' sick.

Outta nowhere comes fuckin' Afro Samurai, tellin' me to fuck off. Ass. Pulls a sword n' everythin'. Hell, i ain't no pussy, but all I gots is my knife. I don't carry a gun. You fuckin' Americans and your guns, man... Don't look at me like that. You know exactly what I mean. Hell, back home, over half the folks gettin' killed were from you guys comin' across n' doin' it. But fuck it. I take off. I ain't fuckin' around with the dude.

I get like a dozen feet away, and there's this chick I run into. She n' I... Heh... We've had some fun before. She runs away, like teasin' me n' stuff. So, I follow. She goes into that record store. Know it? Yeah, so anyway... I go in. She's playin' all hard to get, and I'm flirtin' hard. I know how she likes it, y'know? All rough n' shit. Probably like the way her daddy or Uncle Doug or some shit gave it, but what do I care, right? So, she's teasin' me again, runnin' off, getting me to chase her... Real cute stuff. Heh.

I chase this chick out to the side. We're gettin' into it... foreplay n' stuff. Who comes along again? Fuckin' Afro Samurai... I hate that ass.

All of a sudden, this chick acts like she don't want it. Screamin' at this brother to help her. He starts swingin' his sword at me n' shit. Total psycho. Fucker hits my hand. If it wasn't for my gloves bein' so padded I'd be a fuckin' amputee. Lost my knife, too. Man... had that thing forever. Ever since I... Heh. Just had it a long time, yeah. As it was, I fuckin' got my hand broke. I managed to get away again. That fucker needs to be taken out... I swear.

So, off to the hospital. Who's there? The fucker that hit me from behind the other night. But fuck it... I ain't in no position for revenge, eh? My hand's all busted up. He just sits there. I mean, I'da fucked him up if I had to, but was glad I didn't. Besides, his gal was there. Wouldn't want to make her a widow while she watched.

Fuck, what happens next... Oy.

In comes a nurse. Turns out she's this fucked up whore I was with a month ago. Total psycho. I paid her up front, and she stabs me even before I get off. So, yeah, she and I got history.

At that same time, that Wynter chick walks in. Her and the nurse look at me at the same time, and both start callin' rape! By me! Fuckin' bitches, eh? So, don't know who, but someone calls the cops. That's when I'm fucked.

Cops get there, two of 'em, and this fucking whore-slash-nurse is threatenin' me with a blade. They do fuck all to her, of course... Fuckin' pigs. I ain't normally got a problem with 'em, 'long as they stay outta my way, but yeah... fuck 'em.

I get cuffed. Fuckers got guns... what am I gonna do? I have to let them do it. Still, that bitch is after me. They just fuckin' stand there, and let her put a knife to my fuckin' throat before they even tell her to stow it. Where's my justice, huh?

So, I get led to the cop shop, thrown in a holding cell, and waiting to get the fuck out.

Christ... Where's my phone call?