It was near the anniversary of the most significant event that happened in her lifetime. Pretty much the one thing that sent her life into that downward spiral. She never thought or could ever believe she would recover from something so traumatic like it. "Really how does anyone", was said with a somber thought. But writing was therapeutic for the soul and she let the creativity flow through her fingers to express the dark past that she hid so well from others. Behind the innocent face, the child like smile, and the eyes that had you believing there was nothing ever wrong.

She had her regular upcoming weekly appointment with her Dr schedule, but this one was different. This significant appointment made her nervous. Every year with this appointment about it, the date, she dreaded about going, and really couldn't sleep because the night terrors about it kept her up all hours, "Wheres that damn vodka, I know I had it somewhere!" she said while tears streamed down her face. The only reason she continued these damn appointments was because Daddy was paying for school, expenses and whatever her heart desire. She knew really it was because he felt like a dick, and was completely feeling guilty for the way her life became fuck up after he walked out on her and her mother. Her mother she could care less about, but she was daddies little girl, she was always HIS princess. How could he just up and abandon her like that and then end up with some whore only a few years older than his only little girl. She hated him with every breathing part of her. She was ready to destroy all of it all of who she was and what she believe in, "fucking fairy tale bullshit of a life".

But she knew that wasn't the reason for the appointments. It was something beyond that, most of girls had their daddy issues and hers was no different. She was trembling, and falling already into a deeper hole of sorrow and guilt. It pained her for these appointments. To relieve this nightmare, to feel what she had lost.

"Why do I have to talk about it? It's been four years already, I'm done and I'm tired, I shouldn't have to continue to feel this way then to be reminded of the fact I'm irresponsible useless and good for nothing but a good time"

Crying and shaking nothing was going to help tonight, not the vodka, not the eight ball she just snorted, there was going to be no escaping the feelings tonight. Tonight she was going to relive it and she couldn't escape her own mind. She couldn't get the high she wanted to even pretend to everyone else she was sane. She was in for a long night and not ready to deal with tomorrows session. She was going to have to face it, face the child she lost.

"Four fucking years, four fucking years! I wasn't ready I was just a baby, but I wasn't ready to lose you that way either, good night sweet baby hope your resting, your better off without me anyways. Everyone usually is."