Aizzel sat at the desk. She found a notebook and started to write. While she wrote the song played in the background. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqI_O3kIFHM

I'm here again. Writing. I don't know what to say or where to start. I don't know why I'm even doing this. Maybe to find peace. Or get this out. I don't know. They said it would be good to speak to someone. Who would I speak to that wouldn't find me crazy at this point.

I got pregnant. This time on purpose. I wanted them. I actually tried. I mean months of heartache and negative test results. I was certain that I wouldn't be able to give him what he deserved, a family. A real woman who could give him a family. Then, it happened. It was finally over. The entire relationship. I don't think he ever really loved me but, I found out I was pregnant. I was happy. Even if it was short lived, I believed I had someone who would love me. The real me. Understand me and wouldn't leave. I wanted these babies more than anyone could imagine.

I lost them. They were right. I am unfit. I was kidding myself to believe I could change. Maybe not white picket fence happy but small home that I could be happy. What a joke I am to everyone. Poor girl couldn't get pregnant. Couldn't hold onto a relationship, and now she can't even keep the kids she wanted. They didn't want me. Maybe its the best. I am not a mother. I would never amount to someone worth being one.

Honey, now she is a mother. I can see the sadness and sorrow when we are talking. I'm waiting for the day to come when she also turns her back on me. They all do. And they will always be right. I'm just used. No one cares me. But she and Ethan welcomed me into their home. She doesn't judge me. Or well she doesn't know enough to judge me. I don't know but after losing Kay and Buffy, if Honey went next I don't know. I just hope she doesn't go though.

The nightmares are getting worse. I have been given something to help the sleeping. Everything replays in my head. The bakery, the drive, the rape and the death. I feel like I died too during that night. I might as well. I lost everything. I am reminded of that every time I stare at a pregnant woman. I can hear them. The crying. When I close my eyes my hands reach out for them expect they are just running from me. Laughing. Getting further away. Running into her arms.

I did get to say goodbye.

She stops writing. She turned to the baby on the bed. She smiled lightly. She closed the pad and left it out on the desk she was writing and got into bed. Curling up next to the baby she closed her eyes and tried to get to sleep.