Journal Entry.

A long time ago a Shrink told me to keep a journal, I stopped going to him, didn't feel it was needed to share every tid bit of my life with total strangers. Allot has happened over the years, and frankly I'm just not what I used to be. Worn down, bones chipped, holes, scars, pain. It’s a everyday occurrence. What would you expect going on forty-Six?

I have seen the rise and fall of gangs, the death of good people, bad people, innocent people, I have seen my family torn apart, and rebuild its self. Hell I've seen the worse of the worse, and yet here I'm able to sit, half dead, a walking corpse, but fuck still able to sit. Its times like this you have to question god, why take that boy over there eighteen barely a man and put him in the ground? Yet God lets an old man who has done nothing but commit crime, murder, drugs... Shit just about anything. and yet he lives? My big brother told me not to question the G-mans motives, always said "Max, keep your head up, your words strong, never turn your back on those you care for, Stand for what you believe in, and remember family first, and you will be rewarded with life." So I ask myself, what did that boy do wrong? Doesn't he have family, blood or otherwise?, maybe a kid of his own, a girlfriend, a mother and father who love'em? Sometimes things don't seem to go the way they should. You can shout take me, and still it chooses the young man over old. Maybe its true, the good do die young, god knows I'm far from good.

I guess as you get older, you start to think of these things, you grow wiser a bit to late I might point out. You see the self destructive tendencies of youth, as they tend to follow the elder folks to the grave, and somehow pass them. The brightest star, slowly dims and extinguishes its self, and falls. In the old days I would take a life without thinking about it, cold calculating, shit now when I have the person’s life in my hand I weigh the options. Why am I doing this? The answer always rings through, family loyalties, there is no greater sin then going against your own that’s why you take life. I have to justify it to myself, it doesn’t make it any prettier, any easier, it just makes it a little less hard to sleep at night. The point of this, well there is no point.

In closing, I guess what I would like to say is, I'm Maximus Maddox, a broken man, a gangster, and a mentor. I pray the youth of today, don't make the same mistakes I have made.

-Maximus Maddox-
Family is more than blood