*curls up in her favorite chair, knees pulled up as she lays on her side, propped up by a pillow. She reaches into the simple brown paper bag, pulling out the plain brown leather book. She unfurls the lace holding it together as she slips the pen from it's side holding place. She chews on her bottom lip before she presses pen to paper, neat small cursive writing flows from the black inked pen*

I do not know how this happened. I do not know how I was brought back into it. I ran from it, twice, is it just going to follow me the rest of my life? Snook was suppose to be my escape, Raynee was suppose to be my escape, now, I don't even know what goes on with her.

*She pauses, the pen making a small ink blot as she sits there, thinking, trying to form her feelings, her thoughts into words. She felt it, she knew what it was, but the words, the words to describe it, were shadows teasing her in the depth of her mind*

[strike]My mind is a mess. A jumble. Faces, images, emotions, they flutter by just out of my grasp, just out of being able to explain. I can't get them to line up, make sense, bouncing around like a kid with a ping pong ball.[/strike]

*She pauses again, shaking her head. She crosses out part of it, sighing softly, closing her eyes as she tries to figure out what to write next, what to say. She takes a deep breath, before her pen starts to stumble across the page*

I could blame them all before. Hate them even. Hold them accountable, know that they meant to do it, that they made it happen. They knew better but this...this...I'm starting to see. This isn't the same, this isn't how it was meant. *as she continues to write, the pen starts flowing fluidly across the page, the words flowing easily from her pen.* I see parts of me in him..minus the anger, the violence. He's just a boy, a scared little boy, that doesn't know how to act, or how things should be. He's scared of being left alone. That's obvious in every time he asks, wants me to promise I'll stay. I can't. I can't but the more, the more I get to know him, the more I try to understand, the more I think he's trapped. Trapped like I am, trapped like Raynee was, trapped in a place with no where to go, no where to turn to, no one to explain. Explain how it should be. There's hurt, obviously there's hurt, but I don't know what kind of hurt, I don't know how hurt. It's there. I don't know what to say to him, I know how to play this game, I know how to manipulate it but...is that going to help...or...just cause more damage?"

*She slowly slips the pen back into place as she bites down on her bottom lip, she turns her head to look back out the window, listening as the rain tings against the glass*