((Written in leather journal, hidden somewhere in the SIK house))

So Paul suggested I write in a journal, that maybe it would help me feel better about everything that has went on in my life lately. Yea right, like having these memories, tied together in a journal is going to help me get over the fact that I killed someone. More like a constant reminder of the horrible events that happened prior to me taking someone's life. Guess I should start from the very beginning.

"Eugene" is what I knew him by, he looked rather nice and I was only attempting to help out the guy, by showing him where some apartments were. He asked nice enough, boy was I wrong about how nice he was. He attempted to thank me for helping him out, since he was new to town. He offered to buy me a drink and of course my dumb ass let him. BIGGEST mistake of my life. He got me a drink alright, one filled with drugs, one that knocked me out before I could even finish it, one that got me raped, a drink that has haunted me til this very day. Why do I have to be so stupid? Trust a man from Hathian? Never again. After I woke up from being drugged, I was tied up with my own clothes, but this guy must not been a boy scout cause I got out of it pretty easily. I managed to almost make it home but I passed out at the clock tower on campus. My guess is someone found me and called the police. Who ever you are thanks, since I never got to meet you. I spent the night at the hospital that night. OH I forgot to mention he chopped my hair off, sick right? Not enough to use me for some kind of sick pleasure by raping me, but he had to take away the one thing I actually liked about myself. My hair.

So, life was normal, or kinda normal, for a little while, til that day I decided to take a walk to the Gein to grab a bite to eat. It was out of no where. Like I was walking and then all of a sudden I was being hit by a van. I was knocked out cold and when I awoke, I was shackled to a wall, in a tiny room, with another woman, who I now know as Shadoe. I was confused as "Eugene" had drugged me once again, heroin this time. He came in and said that he was going to marry us off, instead of death do us part, I got until I decide to kill you. Charming huh? I of course tried to say no but I was gagged. He beat Shadoe in front of me and I was sure she was dead, but I wasn't awake to find out, I made myself pass out. I couldn't stand to see someone get treated the way she was treated. When "Eugene" came back he slapped me around til I woke up and when I attempted to ask what happened he said he killed her. I was raped again and drugged again. Some other stuff happened, like him breaking my collar bone and choking me, but I was no where as hurt as Shadoe. She is still in the hospital as I write this. Yes she lived, thankfully.

So you probably want to know how the bastard ended up dead right? For some reason he ungagged me and unshackled me to only cuff me and bring me into a different room. One with a bed. You can see where this is going, no need to relive that. I was trying to defend myself, as he used me again, so I took a bite out of his neck. The taste of the blood was horrible. Guess I hit a main vein or whatever cause he bled out on the floor before I could find a phone to call 911 on. The cops came asked some questions and then sent me to the hospital. I of course was very emotional at this point. I cried the whole night, not only for me but for Doe. I was so scared that she was gone and there was nothing I could of done to help her.

So I don't sleep much since I was released from the hospital. Don't eat much either. Paul, my long lost brother, has tried to help me but I have written all this out and I still feel like a worthless human being. I go visit Doe she makes me feel a tad bit better but I can't just forget about all this. "Eugene" haunts me when I do sleep, causing night terrors. I wake up screaming. I force my smiles to them just to make them think I am doing better. I had a breakdown at Lou's, luckily for me there were two off duty doctors there to help me out. I had taken one too many pain pills and hit the bong a little to hard. It's my only escape at this point, being so fucked up I forget, until it all wears off and the depression sets back in. Maybe I do have post traumatic stress disorder, like the doctor said but I think I am just fucked over for the rest of my life. I just don't see how life can get any better.
((There is a sketch of the room she was held in at the bottom of the page along with some other meaningless doodles))