-Stuck in a safe house, injured, bored and scared Phoe beings writing a journal for the first time in her life-
12-21
Right now, I’d say the only thing that would make me happy is being in bed alone with Gallows, away from everyone else and no phones in sight, but I know that won’t be happening anytime soon. People wanting me dead isn’t exactly a new thing for me, but I have to admit that it’s a little overwhelming this time around.
So, backtracking a bit, I guess the why is rather important. I left the Cerbs a while back, for many reasons, but the main reason was… well I’m not a Cerb any longer, I was faking it much longer then I’d like to admit. Raping, murdering, these aren’t exactly what Cerbs do, they have a decent rep in town. I’ve loved and been 100% devoted to my family for many years now, since I was just 18, but a lot has changed since then.
Not long after I joined the Cerbs, I decided to take on a large number of Rejects who were trying to cut a friend’s tongue out. The issue? It was just me and Ellis, who was still new to the Cerbs. It was stupid, I know, we where horribly outnumbered, but I couldn’t turn a blind eye to this. I was a Cerb and this was what Cerbs were expected to do. Long story short, I got taken by the fucking Rejects, little naïve, idealist, green Phoe in the hands of the Reject gang. To say I was tortured badly is putting it lightly, honestly after so many years, the memories still haunt me at times. I saw things I didn’t know were possible or existed in human beings. I learned a lot for them and in a sick and twisted way, I’m thankful to the Rejects for making me who I am today. I know, that sounds awful, especially since I hate them more then anything at the same time.
So slowly as the years went along, what the Rejects instilled in me began to change and grow, I began to change and grow. Things along the way added to this as well, Paulie and Espi almost killing me, being arrested and raped in jail. Soon, I ran on hate and a strong need to protect those that hadn’t been exposed to what I had.
A few years back, Shadoe, a Cerb at the time was raped by this fucked up bastard. With Sarah and Carpe’s help, I drugged him, dragged upstairs and turned the tables on him. Carpe raped him first with Polly, her broken off mop handle. She ‘loosened’ him up for me as I put it and I took a light bulb and shoved it up his ass, seeing how far it would go until it broke. I learned a lot from this time, mistakes I made. The GHB made it hard to get the fucker erect, so now I know never to drug my male victims because it’s no fun otherwise. We did some other things to the fucker, but his limp noodle ruined a lot of my plans.
A year or so later, my boyfriend at the time left me a note about a girl that had been badly raped and might need our protection. I met with her and took what details I could about the rapist. It was a woman this time, but it was still brutal. With Perina’s permission, I put her under Cerb protection, having Ellis do the babysitting part while I looked for the rapist. It’s hard to keep this stuff from your family, when you know you’re doing right, but you still have to hide it. No one knew what I was doing, but I suspect Perina was catching on, but knew better then to ask questions.
It took a while but with the girl’s help I was able to track down the rapist. Playing the innocent, slightly ditzy Sam, I convinced the rapist to leave with me, making her think I wanted in her pants. I use this trick a lot, act like an easy victim, naïve and no visible weapon. Rapist seem to fall for it every time. I told her I was taking her home, instead I took her to some random abandoned house in Devil’s Pocket and I started to undress her. While I was on my knees I cut her Achilles’ tendon so she couldn’t get away from me. She was screaming and writhing around, I remember it clearly because… well it’s moments like these that make the weeks and months of searching worth it all. In the end I cut off her left nipple, took it with me too. I told her if she ever hurt anyone that wasn’t wearing a band, I’d take her clit. She believed me, I know she did. But, sadly I had to take her clit as well (NCP’d) because she was able to connect me to a friend of mine and attacked her as well.
And then it came, I knew it would but I still prayed it would never happen again. I got raped myself. It had been years since I had been raped, I was careful and I fight tooth and nail in those situations, sometimes literally. But this time, he caught me off guard and he dragged me into the old burnt out building between TT’s and Lou’s and raped me. Gallows and I knew that the only way I would be able to recover from this is if I made him suffer like I suffered and that we would kill him in the end. When we found him, we took him to old run down steel factory at the edge of town. I raped his dick with a rusty ice pick while Gallows pinned his mouth shut and eyes open. The next day I visited him alone. To make sure he didn’t give me any problems, I nailed his cock to the wall then raped his ass with a piece of scrap metal. The best part was propping the metal against the floor so that he had a choice to make. If he lifted himself up to ease off the pressure on his ass, he would have to tug on his nailed cock, but to relieve his cock, he would have to sink back down on the metal bar. I watched him struggle for hours. Gallows and I killed him the next day.
Then, we discovered our neighbors had kidnapped and raped our precious little toy, Fey. I have a real issue dealing with people touching things that belong to me and honesty, the whole thing pissed me off. So, I didn’t think too clearly with this one, I didn’t ask questions or wait for Gallows help. Instead I invited my neighbor over for tea, drugged her with GHB (she’s a girl so this was all good) and then dragged her downstairs to my basement. Using my speculum and a bic, I burn the inside of her cunt rather badly and then her clit with a spoon. I got interrupted before I could finish, but I managed to get a few pins in her cunt before her trigger crazy boyfriend came storming over. Long story short is that I really fucked up with this one. It turns out the girl I raped, Lexi was family, or soon to be family. Her boyfriend Zh was one of Paulie’s recruits. I didn’t know any of this at the time, but I should have. It’s all been worked out now, but I still see the horror in Lexi’s eyes when I see her.
So after all this, does is make sense that people want me dead? Yes and no. Sadly, this is not the end and these people aren’t out to kill me, at least they haven’t been vocal about it. There’s much more to the story, to who I am and why I do what I do. Believe it or not, I actually do have morals, they are just twisted and warped to something that it’s recognizable to most people. I do what I do for a reason. I know that I’m a fucked up monster, I do know this, but in the end, I’m trying to protect others to keep them from becoming like me. I’m trying to shelter them from having their own Reject moment that could change them into something that can’t control. My fucked up nature can do good, I know this, but I’m still learning. And the rest will have to wait until next time.