Dear Paps,

Hey paps, it’s been a while… Every time I call you, Patricia always tells me your using the bathroom or in psychical therapy… I really hope the program’s doing well for you. Don’t worry about paying me back, after all of the years you spent money on me… It’s my turn. I miss you. I feel so lost and confused. Like I’m a mess. A complete and utter mess without hearing from you or… Anything. I thought we promised to talk every day after classes on skype… But you never answer, and if it is answered, it’s Patricia. Why aren’t you answering me...? I’m so, so worried. About you, and I mean I do have my therapist… But, she’s not you. I love you. Miss you lots. I’ve been going back to church lately. Met this nice guy, he’s a Catholic and I think we can really relate especially before I was adopted, he seemed to relate to that…. But he still goes through what I went through as a child. Anyways, guys… I think I might just give up for now. Friends, more than friends. He still isn’t talking to me, but I don’t blame him… I screwed up by yelling in class some mean things I wish I never said. I keep praying I'll get a second chance, and even texted him tonight... I can't lose any friends anymore. I have to clean myself up and make up for all the mistakes I've made as well as learn from them. I cleaned my mouth out with soap after I got home that day from yelling those despicable words from my lips. But, now... I'm on this medication and back in a relationship with Christ so... That's good, right? I don’t need a relationship right now, do I? Not with the nice guy, not with this other guy… It’s so confusing in this city. One second they like you, and the next… It’s like they just use you. I’m sick of being used, or put on hold… Someone needs to put me first like you always did for mama, rest her soul in heaven. Maybe I need a good Christian boy… Or just become a nun…. I dunno, but all I do know that… It’s hard being alone in this city. See, I just confused myself about what I want. Never mind that, but just… Know I’m always here if you want to call me. I drew you a sketch… Hope you like it. Love lots and always,
Lots of Love,
Kylie