I’m crackling in my own radio silence; where have the last two weeks gone? Into the ether, the void. My loss. I grieved Ciena once already, and now I am not sure how to grieve her again so soon, so sudden. She is definitely dead this time and all I can feel is a great burst of static. Nothing. Boogie killed her, mutilated her, literally raped her…[Read more]

Brendan and I dressed up as Batman and Catwoman for Halloween. We went to a dance and then a party at the theater. All the while I kept thinking what are you doing Roo?

I sent a snapshot of myself in my costume to Z and he said, why are you dressed liked that? Look at the calendar Zero, it’s Halloween. He seemed to honestly not notice, maybe he’s…[Read more]

<img src="<img src=”https://i.gyazo.com/66608a2216dd1cc3568b61f9b4613cfa.jpg” alt=”https://gyazo.com/66608a2216dd1cc3568b61f9b4613cfa” />” alt=”Halloween” />

Brendan and I dressed up as Batman and Catwoman for Halloween. We went to a dance and then a party at the theater. All the while I kept thinking what are you doing Roo?

I sent a snapshot of…[Read more]

Running is coming easier; especially when sleep is in such short supply these days. I get up, usually out of Brendan’s arms, slip my feet down to the cold wood floor and go. It has turned cold; the weather, in one fell swoop like someone turning over in bed.

Brendan, he knows something is wrong. I can see it in his eyes. Distance, caution,…[Read more]

I am fighting the very stupid belief that I matter to Zero. I know this belief is stupid, I know it is blind and harmful, I know these things… and yet at my core I keep remembering him looking up at me whispering, “I have longed for you.”

It is intoxicating to be wanted. To be wanted is perhaps the most powerful feeling of all, stronger than…[Read more]

I was a bridesmaid in scarlet, and I had to walk down the aisle with Chase. A few weeks ago that probably would have crippled me; but I barely noticed. The whole wedding of Leon and Sarah passed by in a haze that all felt like one giant joke. Ram and Peri came together, Ram was the officiant and included things in his speech about cuffing each…[Read more]

I have to go. I have to get out of here. The anesthetic scent of the hospital, the hiss of a ventilator; my friends. They appear, hovering over me. Big, worried, disembodied faces floating in a morphine haze. They ask questions I don’t quite hear. I am all urgency and purpose. Purpose. Like an arrow fired from a quivering bow string.

The nurse…[Read more]

How does your character deal with ..

Sadness: Starts with tears, eventually shuts down and drinks a lot. Writes in her journal.
Conflict: Stress, panic and doing almost anything to get it worked out
Change: Depends on what type, usually she rolls with the punches and adapts
Loss: Panic, tears, anger, eventual smothering of pain with tequila

What…[Read more]

Color: Burnt Umber

Smell: Freshly turned soil

Bodily function: Goosebumps/Chills

Injury: Internal rupture

Method of suicide: Alcohol poisoning

Method of murder: Suffocation

Season: Fall

Month: October

Element: Earth

Mythological creature: Dryad

Sense (touch, taste, etc): Touch

Natural disaster: Earthquake

Trope (see…[Read more]

What’s in a name? Famously penned William Shakespeare. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. Maybe. Maybe if a rose were called a gut blossom it would smell the same, but would it retain its value? Would we send a dozen long stemmed gut blossoms to our sweetheart on Valentine’s Day? Would the gut blossom be the subject of art, poetry and…[Read more]

Yesterday was a strange deal; there are some cards I want to keep, and others I would trade in if I could, for a better hand. It was my second date with Bren, on the first we went and got sloppy drunk and he tried to get me to pole dance for him. Yesterday it was coffee and sugar at Cafe CoCo where I had strawberry cheesecake and tried a flat…[Read more]

Every day the alarm goes off at 5:00 and I get up and run. Even if I don’t want to; even if my legs feel like splintered branches (which they usually do). My lungs burn, my heart pounds, my ankles and knees are swelled to ridiculous proportions; but as I run along North Shore beside the ocean feeling the chill salt spray in my face I have time and…[Read more]

I went jogging today and now I kind of want to die. My whole body is aching; but isn’t that precisely the reason I should be jogging? I got into my first long distance foot pursuit trying to catch Matt Zero a few days ago and woke up the next morning feeling like I had been hit by a truck and so I’ve decided to become a runner. Forget that parkour…[Read more]

I am so tired of talking about Chase; of thinking about him, of dreaming of him. I want to move forward and inch by inch, I thought I was letting go. Then yesterday I overheard him talking to a woman telling her he had a baby on the way; I assumed he was talking about Maverick and I asked when the baby was due. That was when he dropped the bomb.…[Read more]

I have begun to see Grace like a banded black and milk white serpent in the garden of my world; without any soul. She told me to cut ties with the Immortals, and not to fuck gang members. The fact that she said it with a straight face left me practically speechless. “Do you realize what you are saying?” I wanted to ask her, but the subject matter…[Read more]

I fucked Vaughn. I don’t even know why. He blew me off and disappeared months ago but choking on my own torment I texted him and asked him to make me forget about everything for an hour. The whole time he was inside me I kept feeling like I was watching us from far, far away. I was up in that cerulean line of the stratosphere with Ciena looking…[Read more]

I woke up to the message indicator on my phone beeping. There was a pop and whistle, static and a cold, official voice pouring out of my voicemail in Spanish. It took my brain a few seconds to re-wire to understand him. And I wish I didn’t.

Ciena is dead.

She was supposed to be safe in Argentina; she was supposed to be happy there. She promised…[Read more]