In this second writing assignment, Miss Dewshine asked us to envision a perfect birthday. This is Summer's...

MY BESTEST BIRTHDAY by Summers

My perfect birfday would be my hundredth and twenty-second. It can happen! My uncle told me about a French woman named Jeanne Calment. She had a valid birf certificate and she lived to 122! And guess wut was the most amazing part? She smoked sometimes!! No kidding.

Anyway, this is how I will celebrate my 122nd birfday:

Breakfast at sunrise cuz my Ambien will have worn off by then. The meal will be bran muffins and prune juice. Mmmm (and chocolate milk, too, cuz it prolly easy to digest) Afterwards? A big fat Havana stogie. ALL of it.

I spend a lot of the morning searching for my bifocals, then pat my cat till we both fall asleep for a long nap.

Wunchtime is more chocolate milk and some oatmeal cookies, then it time to open gifts: A pretty shawl (SURPRISE!) to cover my shaky bones, a bronze cane for a walking aid to help me find where kitty went, Polident for my false teef, and a hair net to hold in what's left atop my white head. Oooooooo wow, my great grandson, Nadir, gibes me a new TV. It's a SONY 140 inch flat screen. "Why so humongous, Hon?" I ask him. He replies, "So you can see it, Great-Gran!" DOH! I shoulda figured that out...

Afternoon is filled with: Playing my ALL TIME fave song and video "I'd Do Anthing for Love" by Lance Onate

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-NfdHJ9DTI&feature=related

We play it over and over---as I continually forget that I just heard it---BUT look at it this way, hearing the song (and seeing its uplifting, sensual video) keeps me in a state of perpetual bliss...kinda like a "lazy man's nirvana", lol.

Then at 4:30, it's time for an early bird supper in Morrison's cafeteria with all my fwiends (IF some are left). I order, "Anything that's mashed, please!" When we get home, 's time for my pink cake wif Pepto Bismal icing. Ooooo President Sasha Obama Junior phones to wish me many happy returns of tha day but before I can thank her, I yam snoring in the receiver cuz this splendid event was exhausting and I am put to bed wif my cat.

At midnight, I wake up to wizz and swallow tonight's Ambien. Before the effects kick in, I start writing out who I want at my 123rd birthday party.