Anonymous 
Hi guys,
I've just held my last class in the course on 'Domestic Harmony'. I loved teaching it, and it's been a real laugh. Thanks to my Guest Speakers, Esteban and Zacch who've definitely helped the humour and given me the opportunity to spice the lessons up.
I'm after ideas for the next course! Being that Misti is a little bit on the dumb side and faked her papers so she could teach, what would you find amusing to have her lecture on? We are lacking in science classes but I don't want to make things too dry... so please GIVE ME YOUR IDEAS!
For anyone whose missed a Misti class, here's the log of the last which was entitled 'Children; the demons in your home'.
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Misti Ruska heads into class with Dr. Morane in tow. Her eyes look up towards the students and she grins, seeing a good turn out today, "Afternoon students. Fanks fer comin'.. 'ave a seat n' git comfy cus we got a special treat for y'all terday. Dr. Morane from de 'ospital. Very honoured... so listen real careful terday."
[14:04] Jadzia DeCuir climbs up the stairs to her normal back row seat tossing her bag to the ground at her feet pulling out her notes from last week reading over them, taking out a highlighter quickly underlining under the last sentances -he is full of crap needs to be wacked with a bat few times and see how he likes it- then with a pen notes the date and sits ready and hoping todays lecture will have something of use
[14:05] Tatiana Velinov blinks up in surprise and tilts her head. This should be... interesting. With a shrug, she gets out her notebook and her favorite pen, then shifts her weight again, her hand still resting on her belly. Then glances up, pushing another lock of hair out of her eyes. Guess she was as ready as she'd ever be.
[14:06] Hatsuoki smiles, her pen poised above the notebook that she had brought, her eyes shining expectantly. She had heard so much about university lectures... although a doubtful voice in her mind reminded her of the other things that had happened to her during her time at Columtreal university.
[14:07] Zacch Morane trailed after Misti and raised a hand to lift the brim of his cap briefly at the class before he made his way to a seat in the corner of the class and sat down on the table part before crossing his arms over his chest.
[14:07] Bebelbrox Ganesvoort sits at her desk and pulls out her notepad and pen, then turns toward the lecturer and positions her legs strategically visible from all points in the room
[14:08] Misti Ruska gives the good Doctor some polite applause, then glances up towards the clock. Her eyes sweep over the students, s ome new some old, her star pupil sat up at the back. She gives Jadzia a wave. "'Fore we start. Dis is de last class in dis course. Dere's an exam next week, so class won't be real long next week. Den after I've marked everyfin' you'll git told if you've passed or not. Miss DeCuir at de back dere, she's already passed. She's passed wiv flyin' colours, so yer should be real proud, Miss DeCuir!" She looks down at her papers and shuffles through her notes, "Right, terday is de last in Domestic 'Armony, cus it's about children. Children spell de death of yer 'armonious relationship... so ter be brief it's best if yer don't 'ave 'em. Dats why Dr. Morane is 'ere ter tell yer 'ow ter git rid of 'em n' shit like dat."
[14:09] Hatsuoki raises a brow dubiously, her pen faltering above the paper.
[14:10] Tomoko Manamiko listen carefuly enev if her english is terribly poor
[14:10] Tatiana Velinov purses her lips together to keep from chuckling. That was one way to look at kids, and after seeing some of the kids around Hathian, she sure could understand how that could be. Her hand moves slowly over her swollen belly and she smiles. Didn't have to be that way, though... these babies seem to just be making her relationship better. Clearing her throat, she jots down the title of the lecture and waits for more information. Exam next week? Hoo boy. She hoped her being out of town wouldn't affect her grade too much.
[14:10] Chris walks in, peeking the door open and making his usual late entrance over to the corner seat.
[14:11] Patman Ballinger walks in the room looking around the slipping on his shades
[14:11] Hatsuoki glances to the back of the room and chews on her pen, before returning her gaze to the front.
[14:12] Jadzia DeCuir looks up from her pages of notes stating over and over that it was all crap and her opinion of all the guest speakers in low brow mean terms, trying not to look completely shocked at passing the class that she has argued with every guest speaker to date
[14:13] Quinn Somerset chuckled lightly and continued to scrawl doodles in her notebook, first circles, then boxes. When she could think of nothing else to draw she chewed on the end of her pen and let her eyes take in the doctor. Yeah, he didn't seem the 'paint the nursery and buy a cute mini baseball mitt' type. Quinn ignored the comment about Jadz being the star pupil and figured there must have been extra credit given for blowing the most buys on campus.
[14:13] Misti Ruska looks around, her hand resting on her belly, "Okay... does anyone 'ere actually 'ave kids?" Her eyebrows lift in question, "I've 'ad two kids meself.. n' got rid of a couple cus after 'avin' one.. I wus fuckin' shittin' meself. Me 'usband n' me, we never fuckin' stopped arguin'. So.. lemme re- err re- err... lemme say again.. best not to 'ave 'em. Anyone whose got 'em.. tell me 'ow it is for yer... cus I could do wiv a few tips." She laughs dryly.
[14:13] Quinn Somerset: guys*
[14:14] Bebelbrox Ganesvoort raised her hand "No way"
[14:14] Tatiana Velinov tilts her head and clears her throat, "Well, I have a foster son and two on the way. Don't seem to have any issues as of yet. Things just seem to be getting better. My fiance is very sweet and caring, and takes care of me when I'm tired." She gives a shrug, "I guess each person's experience is different though."
[14:14] Patman Ballinger rolls his eyes "i wish i had kids" he always wanted one he looks to jadzia "hey there pretty lady you looking good as usual
[14:16] Zacch Morane sank his teeth into his pierced tongue for a moment with an amused grin before he raised two fingers...and added one bent one because there was one coming up before he shoved his hands back into his pockets. He looked over his shoulder to count heads for a moment before settling his attention back on Misti.
[14:17] Jadzia DeCuir smiles at Pat as he slides next to her quietly whispering to him 'the professor announced I have passed the class, now i am so glad i didn't throw my binder at the last guest speaker' giggles softly clutching her notebook with all her notes
[14:17] Misti Ruska points to Bebe, "Yer got de right idea.. Keep avoidin' sex.. n' you'll git no babies." She ponders for a minute, "If yer didn't know dis, okay.. 'avin' sex is what makes babies. Unless.. yer.. as fuckin' nuts as Ms. Velinov 'ere, n' yer decide ter take de little bastards inter yer own 'ouse. Now, once yer got kids, de best fing ter do.. ter keep yer fella n' yerself 'appy, is go out a lot. Babies are great cus dey can't walk fer a couple of years, so yer can leave 'em safe n' sound n' de cot.. n' git down ter de pub fer a few hours. Dere aint no use puttin' yerself out when yer up all night wiv de fuckas anyway. Me n' me 'usband did dis a lot wiv our first kid and 'es doin' right as rain, lemme tell yer. I'm very proud of 'im... wherever 'e is."
[14:19] Patman Ballinger raises a brow pretending to yawn putting his arm around jad joking around "im sooooo tired i need to stretch" then listens to the teacher
[14:19] Chris 's eyes scan the room taking note of the attendants as he pulls out his phone to send a text as he listens to the professor straining his ears as he tries to understand what shes saying.
Patman Ballinger raises a brow pretending to yawn putting his arm around jad joking around "im sooooo tired i need to stretch" then listens to the teacher
[14:19] Chris 's eyes scan the room taking note of the attendants as he pulls out his phone to send a text as he listens to the professor straining his ears as he tries to understand what shes saying.
[14:19] Tatiana Velinov widens her eyes a moment at being called fucking nuts, then she just laughs. She remembered why she liked this professor. Her green eyes sparkle with her amusement and she bites her lip, trying to keep quiet. Doodling slightly on her pad of paper, she blinks as one of the babies kicks her. Oh great... they pick the worst times to get active.
[14:20] Rita Inglis is Online
[14:22] Jadzia DeCuir clenching her jaw listening to the idea that any child was raised in the home that has been described since the begining of class suddenly jumps at the vibration of her cell and quickly pulls it out and pops it open reads and replies quickly to the text
[14:23] Bebelbrox Ganesvoort raises her hand then starts talking, "Yeah, that lady in the news that got herself 8 times pregnant, I MEAN what is that all about?"
[14:24] Eidelon Woodget is Online
[14:25] Misti Ruska smiles cheerfully at the students, "Now, as yer kids grow older, n' if you've managed to keep yer fella durin' dis time, yer might find problems startin' ..... cus it's real 'ard ter keep 'im 'appy or 'er.. when yer got a cryin' kid runnin' around moanin' n' shittin' everywhere. SO, make sure dat yer got family ter 'elp yer.. if yer don't... what I suggest, is dat yer wrap a rope round de lil' fucka's wrist, tie 'im outside, n' 'ave a good session. Dat'll keep fings real 'armonious. Once dey is old enough ter roam de streets, den you'll 'ave plenty of time ter keep yer fella 'appy. Make sure yer don't neglect yer other wifely duties like keepin' de 'ouse clean, n' cookin' dem special meals I told yer about in de first class, cus if yer do, fings will turn ugly." She ponders, then glances down at her notes, "Oh yeah.. if fings is gonna turn nasty wiv de fella.. like when yer 'ave pissed 'im off... send de fucka outside cus yer don't want de little 'un gettin' an accidental slap just cus you are."
Chris pulls out his phone shaking his head at the message the professsors words seeping through his almost non-listening ears as he types a response.
[14:27] Jadzia DeCuir giggles lifting her eyes from her cell phone hearing bebe's comment about the 8 babies lifts her hand quickly but doesn't wait to be called on 'you can't be seriously suggesting us to tie little kids up so we can have a good screw? '
[14:28] Tatiana Velinov grits her teeth, the smile suddenly gone as she is reminded of her foster son and the shit he came from. Anyone who would hit a child or a woman just because... Taking a deep breath, she has to look at the wall a moment to get herself to calm down. Maybe she should have skipped this class. It was damn hard to not just walk out, but she needed the grade to be promoted to the next level. She just keeps doodling, although her pen was moving harder and faster over the paper. Oi... when was this class over again?
[14:28] Patman Ballinger raises a brow whispering to jad "ummmm what the hell thats abuse" he looks at the teacher "WHy the hell would ya do that"
[14:29] Patman Ballinger reads his text from jad and throws a paper ball at bebe
[14:30] Misti Ruska's eyes lift towards the students and she gives her star student a warm smile, "Dats exactly what I'm sayin' darlin'. Yer aint go no kids yet.. but when yer do, you'll understand. I bet Ms. Velinov 'ere does exactly de same.. dont yer?" She looks questioningly at Tatiana then frowns on hearing Pat. She had him earmarked as a trouble-maker, "Ere.. you.. don't be shoutin' out. Yer don't know nuffin', alright. I've 'ad .... uhh two kids, n' lost a couple 'fore dey wus born, n' lemme tell yer, dis is 'ow it is. If yer don't wanna do dat, den yer don't 'ave sex... it's dat simple innit? Now.. if yer got yerself knocked up, yer can 'ave an abortion if yer can pay.... OR... yer can use a coat 'anger. Don't use a wooden one cus you'll git splinters. If dat makes yer soft lot wince, 'ave de little bastard n' git rid of 'em den... yer can sell it.. or adopt."
Bebelbrox Ganesvoort jerks her head forward as the paper ball bounces vertically into the air and off where she can't see...then she slowly peers behind her trying to hide a grin
[14:32] Quinn Somerset presses her mouth firmly, trying to disguise the smile that is threatening. This is what she loved about this class. Tapping the platinum pen against her chin, her leg swings with uncontained excitement. She just needed the instructor to say something equally or more over the top....and there it was. Quinn let out a loud laugh, her eyes bright. "Priceless," she muttered. "Fucking priceless."
[14:33] Patman Ballinger looks at the teacher raising a brow "oh pleeeeeeaaaasee forgive me maam im sooooooooo stupid"he says with full sarcasim
[14:33] Tatiana Velinov lifts her chin slightly, and raises an eyebrow a smirk crossing her lips, "That's not what I do at all, actually. I happen to have extremely good sex, all without having to tie up the kid. My fiance is completely, and utterly satisfied... I make sure of that." An impish grin slides over her full lips, and she tilts her head again, a lock of her silky black hair sliding down one pale cheek.
[14:33] Jadzia DeCuir gasps not really being a fan of kids but this class is just getting more and more out of control quickly calls out to the teacher below 'You can't give medical advice out you aren't a medical professional and that doesn't sound safe at all to use any type of clothing apperatice on your body let alone pushing it up inside of yourself'
[14:34] Zacch Morane balled a gloved fist slightly and raised it to his lips to sink his teeth into his knuckles. If anyone should not be teaching this subject..it should be Misti. He looked over his shoulder for a moment as he heard laugher and exhaled a slow breath of air, good at least someone was smart enough to not take that stuff seriously. He pulled up his sleeve for a moment to look down at his watch before looking back at Misti while he tried to swallow his laughter back. He would do the abortion talk.
[14:35] Vin Dollinger is Online
[14:36] Misti Ruska nods cheerfully to Pat, "Dat's alright, yer only young, yer can't expect ter know everyfin' honey." She looks over to Tatiana and edges a step towards her, "Yer need ter tell me 'ow yer manage dat after class." Upon hearing Jadzia she nods, "Yep, yer got dat right... n' dis is why I've brought Dr. Morane 'ere.. 'es gonna tell yer some safe fings ter do ter git rid of de babies dat yer don't want." She smiles over to the Doctor warmly and gestures him over, "Now class, yer should be really grateful dat Dr. Death..uhh Morane is 'ere ter tell yer some good advice, so please give 'im a warm welcome. E's worked as a Doctor fer fuckin' ages, n' 'es de best in Hathian." She puts her hands together and claps loudly.
Jadzia DeCuir takes a deep breath and hopes this guest speaker being a doctor is better then the last scum that was hauled in and called a guest speaker, gives a soft clap from the back of the room
[14:37] Tatiana Velinov just grins at Misti and nods. Sure, she'll tell the professor how she does it. Seeing the Doctor being motioned forward she claps softly for a few moments, before resuming her doodling, once again having to fight back the laughter that threates to escape her throat. She really... really should have skipped this class.
[14:38] Patman Ballinger shakes his head "fuck it i aint gonna fuck up i got football" he interlocks his hands" ill be a good stupid student" he nudges jadzia
[14:38] Bebelbrox Ganesvoort just sits there and toys with her hair
[14:39] Jadzia DeCuir almost falls over by the force of Pat's nudge sits up quickly giggling under a whisper 'I am sure there are special considerations for grades here for athletes'
[14:40] Quinn Somerset bites down on her pen, freeing her hands to give a slow, loud, half dozen claps for the doctor. Reaching up she takes the pen out of her mouth and scrawls Dr. Death on the otherwise blank page of her notebook. Then she draws a circle around it, and a line through that. Just the sight of the guy was reas five thousand six hundred and fourteen to be choppered into nearby Tulane Medical Center for the slightest ailment.
[14:40] Quinn Somerset: reason*
[14:41] Patman Ballinger shrugs "maybe"
[14:41] Zacch Morane pushed himself off the table to walk to the front of the classroom with his hands in his pockets before he nodded at Misti. "Thank you..Professor." He turned his focus to the class and pushed the brim of his cap up. "Goodafternoon. I would like to start by saying that if anyone is actually going to tie up their kids just to have a good fuck or shove a coathanger up inside themselves to abort their babies they should probably go jump off a flat. Now.. I'm not here to talk about how to get rid of them but how you can prevent getting any kids. Guys, never ever expect a girl to be on the pill, even if she says she is just use a condom. And girls, don't expect the guy to -have- a condom, it's both your responsibility. I'd like to hear some forms of birthcontrol you know and or use..lets hear it."
[14:42] Tatiana Velinov quirks an eyebrow up at his straightforwardness and smiles. Ah, he actually did sound like a professional, "I'd opt for the pill and a condom myself. Nothing foolproof, and you might as well be doubly sure something doesn't happen." She pats her belly and grins, "Unless, of course, it's planned."
[14:43] Tatiana Velinov: nothing's*
[14:43] Misti Ruska's eyes turn towards Zacch, a deep frown furrowing her brows. "Ere..." she starts softly as he rubbishes her words of wisdom. She falls silent as he continues, folding her arms defensively over the bump that she'd named 'Puddin'. She looks over the students with a steely glare, focusing her annoyance on them.
[14:43] Bebelbrox Ganesvoort: "spermicide coated condoms"
[14:44] Patman Ballinger throws anothe paper ball at bebe
[14:44] Bebelbrox Ganesvoort jumps "Hey"
[14:44] Quinn Somerset laughs and pushes a thick lock of hair behind her ear. She sighed, not above entertaining herself. Raising her hand lazily she calls out "Rhythm method" She pauses as if thinking "And high doses of bitter bitter tea" She nods as if finished. "Oh" she snaps her fingers. "And jumping up and down repeatedly after the deed."
[14:44] Patman Ballinger shrugs "what"
[14:45] Misti Ruska rubs the back of her neck, wondering what these mysterious things called 'condoms' were. With frown still remaining, she eyes Zacch thoughtfully before turning her gaze onto Quinn to nod in approvement, making a mental note of 'jumping up and down after the deed'. She leans over her lecture notes and scribbles her ideas down. "Fuckin' brilliant idea.." she's heard to mutter.
[14:45] Jadzia DeCuir slowly raises her hand thinking that maybe this class wouldn't be a disaster like all the others calling out as she lowers her hand 'condoms male and female, spermicide, diaphragm, cerivical cap, contraceptive sponge, IUD's, vaginal rings, spermicide sponges, and of course abstinence'
[14:46] Misti Ruska: *approvement?? approval...
[14:46] Chris laughes as he listens to Quinn's answer hoping she wasn't serious.
Bebelbrox Ganesvoort turns back to Jadz and yells out.."Don't forget blue balling...." and starts to laugh
[14:49] Zacch Morane nods "Condoms and the pill are good, spermacide coated condoms even better. Condoms also keep you from getting a sexually transmitted disease." He looked over at Quinn for a moment and curled the corner of his mouth up into a brief smirk. "If you think that's the right way to go I'm sure you'll be having some morning sickness soon enough. Those are obviously very bad ways to go about your family planning." He gestured to the back towards the girl who had given the most options. "Yeah very good, though IUD's are not recommended for teenagers." He pulled a note from his poacket to read out loud "You can not get pregnant the first time you have sex, true or false?"
[14:50] Jadzia DeCuir tosses her head back and laughs at bebe's comment leaning over her desk to call down to her friend 'I heard if you blue ball a guy he is as dangerous as a load pistol, and can knock up the next girl he comes in contact with in a seconds'
[14:51] Tatiana Velinov snorts laughing, "False. Completely, utterly false." She rolls her eyes and doodles some more. A smirk crosses over her lips at the antics of her classmates and sighs. Some of the people in the class actually -wanted- an education and weren't here on their daddy's money.
[14:53] Misti Ruska nods emphatically upon hearing Jadzia. She was her star pupil for a very good reason. Trying to keep up a knowledgeable air about her, though she was growing more and more confused by the minute she speaks up, "That's is very very true Ms. DeCuir, he doesn't even have to touch her... just go near her.. and wham!" She didn't answer Zacch's question, knowing well enough that it was true, as she hadn't gotten pregnant the first time she'd had sex. She nods to herself before hesitating to peer at Tatiana.
Quinn Somerset shoots her hand up. "Oooooh, ooooh, ooooh." She lifted her bum off her seat in feigned excitement. "That is true. True, true totally true." She looked around the room, nodding in an act of superiority. "I know that is true because my best friend's dad told me. And why would he lie. He's a minister." She went back to looking down at her notebook so as not to break out laughing.
[14:55] Bebelbrox Ganesvoort laughs and rolls off her chair and slams on the wood flooring wiht her legs flying up in the air after Jadz remark and the instructors answer.....
[14:56] Jadzia DeCuir giggles that the teacher took her blue ball comment seriously shakes her head at the absurdity that a teach wouldn't know the basic health education class taught to children in school, watches bebe fall out of her chair busts up laughing lowering her head to her desk trying to stop the fits of laughter
[14:56] Patman Ballinger tosses football in the air to himself while listening to the class conversation
[14:57] Mariaxx Mayo is Online
[14:58] Bebelbrox Ganesvoort: :: a faint murmer under a desk can be heard with giggling....'help me I've fallen and I can't get up'.......with her legs still pointing up from behind the desk while her feet toy around in small circles
[14:59] Zacch Morane would have gladly grabbed Misti by the neck to throw her out of the class but he couldn't do that in here. "False, that's right. You also can't use toothpaste as a contraceptive, you can't pull out before you cum and expect things to go well, there are two things you can rely on and that is the several forms of the pill and condom use. And if you do get pregnant and you don't want it, for the love of Christ come to the hospital and have an abortion, there are too many unwanted kids around as is. And yeah I know sex ed, funny haha but when you're stuck with a kid you're going to wish you came prepared. Speaking of which.." He removed the boxes of condoms from his coat pocket and started to throw strips of three at every student. Because from the looks of it most of them were better off not reprodcuing.
[14:59] Zacch Morane: reproducing*
[14:59] Patman Ballinger threw his on the seat infront of him not carring
[15:00] Misti Ruska shifts uncomfortably upon hearing the students break into helpless laughter after her comment. Her cheeks began to colour and she shrank back a step and picked up her notes hurriedly, trying to appear that she knew what she was doing. Her gaze flitted towards the doorway, expecting to see one of the Deans walk in and denounce her for the fraud she was. Surrepticiously she rubbed her nose on her sleeve, feeling tears well up and having the horrible feeling that she was about to burst into tears. Upon hearing Bebe's giggling continue, her anger flaired and head jolted upwards, voice suddenly bellowing out with the power of someone twice her side, "YOU THERE! SHUT UP ELSE I'LL FAIL YER!" Her angry flushed face turned towards Zacch and her jaw dropped, "Dr. Morane! Dis aint no party yer know!"
Bebelbrox Ganesvoort stops giggling and pulls her legs down out of sight....
[15:02] Tatiana Velinov watches the condoms land on her desk and chuckles before sliding them into her pocket. She didn't have a need for them right now, but took them anway. A sigh comes from her and she winces slightly as a sharp pain moves through her gut. She goes slightly pale and bites her lip, then scoots out of the desk murmuring, "I... have to go. I don't feel well." Her hand moves to rest on her belly and she braces herself on the desk for a moment before turning to go to the door. She needed to go lie down. These twins were becoming increasingly uncomfortable for her. She looks over at the Doctor and gives him a nod, then does the same for the professor, offering a small smile of encouragement. She may have no clue what she was talking about, but she was nice.
[15:04] Raizan Field: me strecthes widely "yay! Class is ova!" "Was an interesting class, Misiti."
[15:04] Quinn Somerset wrinkles her nose and swats at the strip of condoms that comes flying in her direction, it hits the floor beside her and she leaves it there. "Can I assume the party is over since the favors have come out?" She stands, not awaiting an answer and begins to shove her notebook and pen in her bag. Pushing her hair back from her face she looks down at the girl who passed her a note during class and decides to introduce herself.
[15:05] Raizan Field looks over at her mates "you coming?"
[15:05] Tomoko Manamiko look her friend
[15:05] Tomoko Manamiko: "you come too?"
[15:05] Jadzia DeCuir looks up as she see the professor yell at bebe as she looks back to the woman that though she didn't respect as a teacher at all, her heart went out to her and putting up with that crappy guy she calls a husband, then as condoms go flying to the back of the room her eyes follow the discarded condoms of Pat as she pockets the ones that fall in front of her then reaches out and grabs the discarded ones, giving them back to Pat giving a look of worry whispering 'it is always better to be prepared then to be stuck with a kid'
[15:06] Raizan Field looks over at Quinn "what's up?"
[15:06] Misti Ruska blinks in surprise as people starting walking off, her glance up to the clock making her realise that it was over. Which to be frank, was quite a relief. "Uhh ohh.. right.. yep.. dat's it den.. Fanks Dr. Morane fer yer balloons and very wise words! N' REMEMBER - EXAM NEXT WEEK! GIT STUDYIN'! I GOT SPARE NOTES 'ERE IF YER MISSED OVVER WEEKS!"
