A Stranger in My Own Home (IC Diary of Lucienne Calixte)

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azariel blackheart

said

12 March 2021,

Premye jou nan lakou lekòl la, e mwen deja santi mwen soti nan plas li. Li pa jis santi a ke yo te nouvo ti fi a nan lekòl la, men ki santi lè ou se moun lòt nasyon an, yon sèl la soti nan yon lòt vil la. Nan ka mwen an, li nan yon lòt peyi tout ansanm. Mwen ta ka fèt isit la, men mwen te grandi nan Japon. Mwen konnen plis bagay sou Japonè yo pase mwen fè nan pwòp lakay mwen. Asire w, manman m 'te Japonè yo. Asire w, papa m 'se ayisyen, men sa pa vle di anpil isit la. Li santi tankou mwen ekri yon pati pitye isit la, men gen kèk espwa. Mwen gen omwen yon zanmi. Li te vin avè m 'soti nan Japon. Li pa ta ka Ayisyen, men nou pataje menm eritaj Nwa ak Azyatik. Li rele li, "Blasian." Li se yon mo komik, men plis moun sanble yo konprann mo sa a isit la pase yo fè nan Japon.

Anplis pwen an, mwen rete nan dòtwa mwen an. Li piti, men se pa tankou ti chanm mwen tounen lakay ... Mwen pa menm konnen ki jan yo santi yo sou mo sa a ankò. Mwen se yon etranje isit la, men se pa nan Japon. Mwen aksepte, plis tankou, tolere, men mwen pa janm reyèlman anfòm pous yo, mwen jis yon lòt Gaijin, ak isit la, mwen jis yon ti fi Vodou. Asire w, poukisa pa? Petèt ki pral fè bagay sa yo pi fasil fè fas ak pandan mwen isit la. Mwen pa konnen ki lè pwochen semès la kòmanse, mwen pa menm si ke yo gen nenpòt nan élèves mwen isit la. Konsantre a sanble plis sou jounalis, medikal ak ki fè respekte lalwa nan sa mwen ka ranmase. Sa a pral gen yon pwoblèm si mwen gen yo chwazi yon nouvo antye pi gwo ak yon kote diferan nan tren. Pou tout pwoblèm sa yo, mwen te ka jis rete Japon. Mwen pa bay moute ankò.

Evantyèlman mwen pral gen rankontre moute ak kèk nan fakilte a ak wè jis sa mwen gen yo travay avèk yo. Si anyen, mwen ta ka jis chita nan yon semès Lè sa a, tounen lakay mwen yon fwa mwen aprann sa mwen bezwen aprann. Menm si paran mwen pa apwouve chwa karyè mwen, yo te gen kèk bon konsèy. Mwen pral bezwen yon bagay yo tonbe tounen sou si sa a pa travay deyò ... men mwen gen anpil tan deside ki sa ki yon bagay ki pral yo dwe. Pou kounye a, mwen jis pral pran sa a yon jou nan yon moman, e espere ke li tout travay soti pou pi bon an.
<p style="text-align: center;">~~~~~ [OOC: English Translation] ~~~~~</p>
First day on campus, and I already feel out of place. It’s not just the feeling of being the new girl at school, but that feeling when you’re the stranger, the one from another city. In my case, it’s another country altogether. I might have been born here, but I grew up in Japan. I know more about the Japanese than I do in my own home. Sure, my mother was Japanese. Sure, my dad is Haitian, but that doesn’t mean much here. It feels like I’m writing a pity part here, but there is some hope. I have at least one friend. He came with me from Japan. It might not be Haitian, but we share the same Black and Asian heritage. He called her, "Blasian." It’s a funny word, but more people seem to understand that word here than they do in Japan.

Besides the point, I stay in my dorm. It’s small, but not like my little room back home ... I don’t even know how they feel about that word anymore. I’m a foreigner here, but not in Japan. I accept, more like, tolerate, but I never really fit the thumbs, I’m just another Gaijin, and here, I’m just a Voodoo girl. Sure, why not? Maybe that will make things easier to deal with while I’m here. I don’t know when the next semester starts, I’m not even sure they have any of my majors here. The focus seems more on journalism, medical and law enforcement in what I can pick up. This will be an issue if I have to choose a new larger whole with a different location to train. For all these problems, I could just stay Japan. I don’t give up anymore.

Eventually I’ll have to meet up with some of the faculty and see just what I have to work with. If anything, I might just sit down for a semester then back home once I learn what I need to learn. Even though my parents didn’t approve of my career choice, they had some good advice. I’ll need something to fall back on if this doesn’t work out ... but I have plenty of time to decide what something is going to be. For now, I’m just going to take this one day at a time, and hope it all works out for the best.

March 12, 2021 at 3:35 pm
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