Intent of happiness: Shae Delgado

Home Forums Introductions Intent of happiness: Shae Delgado

This topic contains 8 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of MartinaKells Resident martinakells resident 1 week, 6 days ago.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
Author Posts
Author Posts
Profile photo of Shae Delgado

shayanique resident

said

ʚ――――――――――― 💀 ――――――――――――ɞ
19 | Bisexualʟ | Scorpio | Single

💛 CD:ʟᴏᴏᴋɪɴɢ ғᴏʀ ᴀ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴsʜɪᴘ.
💛 CD:Fʀɪᴇɴᴅsʜɪᴘs needed (connections and story plots open (need family, friends from childhood (tweety- ect.) IM if interested-.

From the earliest moment in my life that I could remember I was never happy, I could count on my hand the few times I was happy- my 7th year birthday and when my friend tweety-bird gave me her favorite Barbie doll, also the time my father said he loved me before he ran out on us- that's it. I was born in Washington D.C, we lived in those small- cramped basement apartments with the little bar windows that showed the street above your head. I would look up at that window and wonder if people knew we were down there- (there were stairs leading down but as a kid you feel small and hidden.-
I remember my mother telling me the story of when a bullet fell through our roof when I was a baby. Our neighborhood was dangerous, sirens blared every-night. My mother was preparing food for me, she aid she put me in my high-chair and left to go to the sink where she washed my bottle. There was a Meth lab above us and we could hear banging and yelling all the time from above. As my mother washed my bottle she said she felt an urge to move me closer in my chair to her- and as she moved me a bullet fell from the roof wit ha sharp bang just as she moved me to the sink. My mother said if she hadn't moved me, if she hadn't felt that urge to bring me closer that I would be dead, shot through the skull before the age of two. I guess I've always been lucky when it comes to escaping death and yet I tease fate...

We moved to the deep south to stay near an old friend of my mom who lived near baton rouge where my mother had found a job and solace with a man who was not my father but a drug dealer, they spent time together and as I grew older I realized he provided my mother with ways to cope with working and being a single mother...drugs and time away with him for all hours of the day and night. Soon I saw less and less of my mother and it became apparent to me that I no-longer mattered. Her IT in her brain now took the reigns and it was clear that she only cared to satisfy her base needs than to be home and be a mother to me.
Time went on and I had to go to school dirty, my hair a mess, hungry...I would tell my teachers of my dismay but it fell on deaf ears as they were too busy to act quickly or felt I was saying things for attention as the new kid. Whatever the reason, it was too slow for my liking and I realized if I wanted help- I would have to help myself. I would wake up crying, calling for my mother and find her no-where in sight. It was time to be a big girl and at the age of 14 I decided to leave home, school, and figure out the world, how to walk in it and survive on my own. If I die...so be it. Trials and tribulation led me down sickness and woe, fear racked my gut and bent me to my naked knee on many occasion. Drugs graces me with the wanton to sleep and gave me new eyes to see and feel what my mother chased for so many years -happiness.- I lay on many trap floors writhing in this, feeling the false warmth as I stare into the eyes of the conductor to hells train, before the black iron gates of hell, his cap tipped to me. Eyes void. I fell and followed into the life of whoring, losing myself as my innocence was ripped from me and an emptiness left behind. Money filled my anxiousness with calm, buying trinkets and getting my nails done, hair, and clothes made me happy...there again -happiness- ever fleeting.

The dragon I chased was of coke and monetary gain. In my intent on seeking happiness I turned into my mother but now as the years have past I save my money and hope to open up my own business, I do what I have to do and eventually moved to Hathian and learned a way to wash what money I get from those who get it the hard way. Maybe I can find a place to put my skill to use and get the life I want for myself...the life I deserve.

May 18, 2020 at 2:25 am
Profile photo of venus quinnell

venus quinnell

said

Sign in at the very top to read this reply. ツ

May 18, 2020 at 9:05 am
Profile photo of Batman

batman destiny

said

Sign in at the very top to read this reply. ツ

May 19, 2020 at 8:25 am
Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.