Got up early this morning, heard the yelling upstairs and wondered what was going on? Tumbled out of my nice warm cozy sleepingbag (still have not got our bedroom furnisheings as Fall said the offices are top priority) and navigated my way toward the loud voices. They were coming from Van's office (our lawyer). I immediately recognized Fall's angry voice. He doesnt get mad often but when he does. look out! I stopped and listened outside the thick maghony door... but my sleep demeanor could not make things out so well so went ahead and just flung open the door saying "Hey how can a girl get her beauty sleep with all this yelling going on?"

Van and Fall both looked over at me as I entered the office both barely nodding and continued their yelling. I stepped back by the wall to seem invisible and listened more closely.

Oh my God NO! Fall is wanting to pick up stakes and move yet once again... no, no, no. My sleepy head could barely believe this. We've only been here two weeks and we all have worked so hard, look at my fingernails, all dirty and cracked. I even have a few calouses. What model has dirty fingernails and calouses?

Van is saying we should try and deal with the powers to be and work things out. Fall said they can't be worked out, we have already followed all their rules, sent out a notice to our agents to obey the CDPD when encountered, wrote up the Code of Conduct and to told them all to keep their guns concealed. Van said he knows all this, he helped write our Code of Conduct bylaws and he knows we follow instructions and try to stay inside the boundaries of the law and the land here. But... but... dejectly Van agreed, maybe things never will work out here... Van knows the law is corrupt, heck it is everywhere, he knows that the gangs rule here and he thinks all the landlords are afraid of the gangs and dont trust the police.

Shaking his head Fall said he can't understand why criminals can carry guns around here but not law abiding trained detectives , who issues these permits anyway? What's a matter with this picture? Van and Fall began again to talk at the same time as thier voices grew louder and louder.

Growing bored of the loud arguing, I rubbed my sleepy eyes and yawned real big... thinking that I really want to stay here, danm it,
I hate to search again for a new home with room to play... but I will if Fall says so... I go where he goes.

I mumbled to the fellows that I would go downstairs and make some fresh coffee but they didnt seen to notice as I slipped out the door. Feeling like a little girl again all of sudden tears begin to slide down my cheeks as soon as closed Van's door.

Why is life is so fucking difficult sometimes? And last night we were all so happy singing and dancing and laughing and loving! Shit! As I slowly walked toward the coffee pot, I heard a little voice tello me "put some whiskey in your coffee this morning, that will surely put last night's glow back on you... forget this rotten day so far". Quietly, I headed toward the liquor cabinet.