Diary Of An Asshole (James Weavers’ Private Journal)

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As James was laid back on the bed beside his wife who had already fallen into a deep sleep, he was the complete opposite. Even with the comforting feeling of Madison's body curled up tightly around his own, James still found himself able to get even the slightest moments of rest and his gaze was fixed on the ceiling that hung over their bed, with mixed feelings constantly cycling through his head. There was no doubt that he wasn't in the greatest of moods at the present moment.
After about an hour had finally passed of James laying there on the bed without sleep, he grew tired of the restless state that he was trapped in and decided upon lifting himself from the bed as carefully as possible to refrain from waking Madison where he'd throw his legs off the edge and reach down to the ground to retrieve his boxers and slip them on, and then reach a hand into the drawer of his nightstand to retrieve his gun from within so that if he happened to encounter any danger on his way to the computer at this time, he would be prepared and..not in full nude. After all, his house has now been broke into twice, and he was going to take every possible precaution from here on out to prevent it from happening again.

Once he reached the computer, James sat his gun onto the desk directly beside the keyboard while lowering himself onto the chair and begin moving the mouse in small circles over top of the mousepad to wake up the monitor. When the monitor did finally light up, James pulled up Word and didn't even bother encrypting the document with a password since he trusted Madison to not accidentally stumble upon his writing..even though he probably should anyways since he's not really a journal type of guy, and the sound of someone discovering that he does in fact use a journal to cope with his stress didn't sound like the most pleasant idea. Regardless, James planted his hands over the keyboard in the proper positioning that made it apparent he was familiar with doing this, before beginning to type out his thoughts.

"The other day, I came home early from work after having received a rather disturbing text, and when I got home..what did I find? I found a cying, beaten woman curled up on the chair and cowering in fear. That woman was none other than my very fucking wife, the very individual that I swore I would protect with every fiber of my being..and I failed."

James paused his typing for a moment when he thought he heard movement stirring about just outside the front door and luckily since the computer was planted almost directly beside the door, all he had to do was turn around enough and peer out through the windows and give the front yard a brief inspection to ensure there was nothing present, he let a small sigh of relief pass up from his lungs to be followed with a shake of his head to each side and then returning his focus to the computer monitor to read over the small paragraph that he'd already written out. This was really the first time that he had ever written a journal for himself, so it shouldn't be any surprise that he was a bit lost on what to say..but then again, all he had to do was stop thinking - and just let it flow on all out. With a glance being exchanged between both his gun that laid on the desk and up to the monitor for several moments, James finally planted his hands back on the keyboard and began typing away once more.

"I sometimes feel as though I'm a failure as a husband even with how much I hear Madison bragging about me. This isn't the first time that I've betrayed my oath to the woman. I swore not only to protect her, but also that my heart and soul would be devoted to her - and her alone. Sure, that may all be better now..but it wasn't always like this. It wasn't too long ago that I cheated on her, and why? I don't even fucking know why..I just wasn't thinking. That's something I really need to start doing. The sex wasn't even any good, it was horrible, but even as I noticed this after it had began..I kept fucking the bitch. I still can't believe WHY I would just do that..Madison and I have sex at LEAST once a day, every day..and that is plenty enough to satisfy my sexual desires. Apart from that, this also isn't the first time she's been raped..I know of one other time when she was in fact raped, another when it was attempted, and then the most recent.."

It was hard for James to continue typing any further at this point, the stress of the matter was beginning to overwhelm him and he reached out towards the gun that had been sitting behind the keyboard and wrapped his massive fingers around the handle of the weapon to lift it up mere inches away from the desk to suspend it in midair by his grasp with his thumb caressing over the golden finish. For about five minutes, he was frozen in this position..clueless as to what he would do now, but he knew that holding that gun gave him a feeling that boosted his confidence even higher than it already was. The one and only weakness that James has, had been struck: His family. This was a side of himself that he hoped he would never have to expose even to himself, but now since it had reached that point - he was going to practice keeping the sensitive side hidden that does in fact exist underneath the hardened criminals' exterior with the use of this journal..so, he had to keep writing. So he set down his gun back on down to the desk, and did just that.

"Those things should have never happened to Madison. It's just not right that she's treated that way, she deserves better than that. She's by far the best thing that has ever happened to me, along with my two beautiful daughters..Joelle and Julianna. None of them deserve to be put in harms way, but this is Hathian after all. It is up to me to protect them..and..well, now I'm going in circles. I just can't get over the fact that I failed my family. I'm already on the hunt for the fucker that raped my wife though, he is not going to get away with this..and I know exactly what he looks like, and his name. The dumb ass thought it would be a great idea to go ahead and just chat it up with my wife and even give her details about himself before he raped her, and then he took her home. To her home..or rather, our home. That's probably the biggest mistake someone could make if they did not want to get caught since I've installed a security system and cameras throughout the entire house just to catch things exactly like this. I guess that's not enough, though. I'm going to have to get another guard dog and post it in front of the house..and maybe demand that Madison don't leave any public places from here on out since as hard as it is to admit it, I can not always be there for her."

James then pauses his writing once more to scroll up and down the page to review what he had written out thus far, mainly checking it for any spelling errors since a trait he acquired back in the Marines while running as an Officer and writing out reports was that spelling errors are a no-no. After fixing a couple lines here and there where he'd misspelled a word wrong, or even forgot a word entirely, he drew in a deep breath and scrolled back on down to the bottom to type out one last paragraph..or, hopefully it was the last paragraph.

"On another note, there's also the Zero's. Not really much to say about them since it's about the same thing every day, but it seems that I've finally acquired their trust..for the most part that is. Zero and I seem to be on real good terms with each other as am I with almost everyone else including Alana, Roxy, and Gen..but Ipos is a whole different story."

Now rather than fear getting to James as he typed this out, it was anger and he was forced to halt his typing once more and actually stand up from the chair to move into the kitchen where he'd lean over top of the counter and plant the palms of both hands down onto the hard surface of the countertop before his fingers eventually curled in to fists so tense that the white of his knuckles protruded up from underneath his skin. He was ready to punch something right then and there..but that probably wasn't the brightest idea. That would likely get him bitched at by Madison, and also wake her up. Neither of those were something that he wanted to happen. So instead what he decided to do was turn on the faucet so cold water began pouring out from the pipes as James leaned himself down closer to it with his hands cupping underneath the water to cradle a puddle of water into the giant palms of his hands which he'd then splash across his face as to let the sudden cold sensation not only soothe his headache that was beginning to form, but also wake him up just a little bit so he could finish what he had begun. Leaving that water dripping from his face until it air dried off, James moved back to the computer and finished his journal.

"I don't know what the fuck that guys problem is, but every time I see him it's just like he's just asking me to sock him right in the face..and I swear that one of these times, I'm going to do it. Especially if he keeps interfering with my marriage. There is the chance that he might just be doing it to taunt me though, maybe to test my patience. Maybe's he's just a dumb ass that doesn't know what he's talking about and likes to contradict his own statements on a daily basis. Who can really tell? It's definitely not me. If it were up to me though, the guy would already be six feet under and long gone from the Zero's. He brags about how he always puts his life on the line and that proves his loyalty, but I don't think he knows that it takes more than just risking your life a few times to prove your worth in this town. In fact, that is one of the weakest things you can do in this town. As a matter of fact, I've risked my own life on multiple occasions for people I really don't give a shit about just so that I can get on their good side and once I've gotten what I want - or have what I want within my sights - just blow them off. I wouldn't be surprised if this Ipos was the same way..and if so, than I can see right through it and he's not doing it quite right. Anyways, that's it for now, and it's about time that I get back to bed."

With that final sentence, James saved the document to the computer and then closed out of it before pushing himself out of the chair and going back into the bedroom to the still sleeping Madison and very slowly slide himself into the bed beside her and cuddle up against his wife in that always protective manner of his.

October 19, 2012 at 6:16 am
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October 19, 2012 at 6:29 am
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