"You get a goddamn job before sunset, or I'm shipping you off to military school with that goddamn Finklestein shit kid. Son of a bitch!"

--The last thing Bear heard his dad yell before moving to Hathian City.

So, is this thing on? How do I know if it's turned on? Oh, the red light? Dude, that's cool! Look, the words show up when I'm talking! Testing...testing...

Okay, okay. They told me I had to tell y'all a bit about me, but, man, it feels all weird and shit to be typing this to no one. Kind of like telling secrets to the wind or something. Hope they don't blow where I don't want them to....

Well, I'm Bear. I like smooth smoke, trippin', and fire poi. Oh, and hot chicks 'cause, you know, I'm a dude. I think most dudes like hot chicks. Well, except for the dudes that like other dudes--which is TOTALLY OKAY, so don't get all bent out of shape about it. It's just I like the female figure better. I like taking pictures of hot chicks, too, so check them out.

Let's see. Some other stuff about me. Well, my parents don't know that I have a grow room on one of their houseboats. But don't worry, they never go there because my mom saw a snake or something and it freaked her out. They probably don't even know they still own it. Er, the houseboat, not the snake. They never owned that.  I'm growing a couple of different strains of weed up there and have some product that I'm trying to sell, so if you know someone who is looking to score, drop me a text. I'm also growing some 'shrooms and working on some acid, 'cause, you know, that's good for you. If you haven't tried some acid, then let me know. I can swing by and we can hang. Free samples to the ladies. Well, to dudes, too, if you like the Dead.

Oh, okay, that's enough? Far out, man. This shit is trippin'!!